Tag - preacher’s kid

Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid: #4 – True Ministry Isn’t Easy or Glamorous

April 11, 2016

Recently I’ve been giving you a behind-the-scenes peek at what growing up as a preacher’s kid was like and how that has shaped me, my faith, and my parenting. If you’ve missed my first three confessions, you can catch up easily (Confession #1, Confession #2, Confession #3).

TODAY’S CONFESSION:

True Ministry ISN’T Easy or Glamorous

Growing up in a pastor’s family, I understood from an early age that ministry – true ministry – wasn’t an easy or glamorous path.

Sure, there were the infamous televangelists with glittering sets, personal planes, and hair that was way too big, who made it seem as though being a preacher was kind of like being a celebrity. But that idea is as false as Tammy Faye’s eyelashes. 😉

Watching my parents’ lives, I knew the truth.

Shepherding a flock, leading God’s people, and following His call isn’t easy. In fact, when my dad first felt called to ministry as a young man, an experienced man of God told him, “If you can do anything else, do that.”

Because he knew that ministry and pastoring aren’t for the faint of heart. They’re for those with a servant’s heart.

My parents have served wherever God has led them because they couldn’t “do anything else.”

When I was first born, that meant living in a small apartment in Alabama where the only furniture initially was my baby bed and a cot for my older brother. Later, God’s path took us to Florida, Ohio, West Virginia, and Georgia, and no matter what “position” of leadership my parents ministered from, it was never about them.

God, need me to lead junior high kids? Really?!? Okay.

Need me to play piano as the back-up? Here I am.

Need me to lead praise & worship? Alright.

Need us to reach out to this hurting couple and counsel them? Our home is open.

Need us to start a church over there? We’ll go.

Need us to minister to children and families in THAT part of town? We can love them!

Need us to forgive and keep giving when we’ve been hurt? It’s hard, but our focus is YOU. (Help us.)

Being in ministry, leading, especially pastoring, means putting yourself to the side, “not my will, but Yours be done.”

It means calls on the phone or knocks at your door at all hours of the day from a person or family in crisis or hours in the hospital with the sick or dying. It’s conducting funerals and visiting prisoners. It means being a part of the church but still being slightly set apart (similar to parenting – you can’t always aim for “best friend” when you need to be the leader). It’s being the “watchman on the tower,” speaking the hard truths that some never want to hear. It’s dealing with petty squabbles or huge divisions in a congregation. It means pouring, and pouring, and pouring into someone only to have them turn their back on God and you. It’s protecting your sheep from the wolves and doing spiritual warfare on their behalf. It’s loving people deeply, no matter what.

It’s hours on your knees, in His presence, seeking His face, praying for direction and leading because your responsibility is not just a big one, it’s an eternal one.

But it’s not a responsibility without joys and rewards. God is kind of good like that. 🙂

Allowing God to use you in ministry means seeing a person’s life changed and made new when they put their trust in Jesus. It’s baptizing new believers, counseling engaged couples, officiating weddings, and dedicating babies. It’s seeing God move through His people as they grow in Him. It’s feeling like a proud parent when the congregation begins to serve and minister, too, and as a body you reach your community with Jesus’s love. It’s being surrounded by the Holy Spirit’s comfort and guidance, knowing you can rely on God to never fail you, to give you the right words and actions just when you need them, and to supply every need you may have. It’s trusting His strength in your weakness.

It’s feeling humbled and amazed that God would choose to work through you.

And while some might think that these lists apply mostly to my dad since he was the “pastor,” there is no separating my parents in this (or other pastor and wife teams that I’ve known). They are one, and God has used them as such. (My dad learned early on not to discount how God could use my mother). I promise you, from personal experience, they minister most powerfully and effectively when they are side-by-side. It’s kind of a beautiful thing to witness.

I’m glad I’ve had that unique opportunity all of my life. You know, being the preacher’s kid and all. 🙂

My family when I was about 5. Don’t we look all 80s glamorous?

I’d like to challenge you, my readers, in two things based on not only my experiences as a PK but also my own experiences in ministry, both by myself and with my husband.

Number 1: PRAY for your pastor and leaders. LOVE them. They aren’t perfect, but trust me, they love you and pray for you.

Number 2: Don’t expect them to be the only “ministers” in your church. God has given you talents, abilities, experiences with Him, and a purpose in Him. You have a part in sharing Jesus with the world. You make contact with people every day that your pastor may never meet. Get to “going” per the Great Commission – speak with your neighbors, reach out in your community, volunteer in the nursery or children’s ministry, mentor and disciple a teen, encourage your fellow church members, go on a mission trip, give, pray, love.

Even though ministry (even in the smallest stages) has its potential sacrifices, problems, and hurts, the joys, rewards, and satisfaction of knowing you’ve been obedient to God’s call on YOUR life far, far outweigh them.

“And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”~ Mark 9:35

“He said to him the third time, ‘Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?’ Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, ‘Do you love Me?’ And he said to Him, ‘Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed My sheep.’” ~ John 21:17

“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” ~ Ephesians 4:11-16

Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid: #2 – My Parents Never Expected Us to Be “Perfect Preacher’s Kids”

March 28, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: Confessions of a Preacher's Kid: #2 - My Parents Never Expected Us to Be "Perfect Preacher's Kids" - Expecting our children to always behave and never make mistakes is wrong, especially when we place the importance on the outward appearance and not their heart.

Last week I introduced a blog series based on my experiences growing up as a preacher’s kid. In these “Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid,” I’m sharing what I’ve learned about Christianity, following Jesus, and the church from my behind-the-scenes perspective and how it affects how I’m laying foundations of faith for my own children.

Today’s Confession: My Parents Never Expected Us to Be “Perfect Preacher’s Kids”

We all know that no one is perfect, so saying that my parents didn’t expect their children to be perfect doesn’t seem like that profound of a statement.

However, in some church environments, there is a certain expectation or higher standard held up for not only the minister, but his entire family. They are set up as an example for the entire congregation to follow.

When I say “expectations or high standards,” I’m not talking about God’s standards for those leading His people. Those are a given. Your pastor should be living a life that is pleasing and honoring to God. Absolutely. He should be in fellowship with and accountable to Godly counsel. His house should definitely be in order. (1 Timothy 3:1-13)

But order doesn’t mean perfection or flawless. It means the home is under God’s authority, His presence reigns there, and that the parents are next in the chain of command, leading their children, dependent on God’s grace and wisdom.

Those expectations and standards are right.

However, sometimes people add to this, adding a pressure of perfection to those other requirements that is impossible for any human to maintain. They have an ideal of what they believe that the pastor, his wife, or his children should be like (very friendly and outgoing, always in a great mood, supernaturally holy and reverent, dressed in a certain way, etc.)

And while that can be difficult for a pastor or pastor’s wife, it’s even more difficult for a child.

Children are still learning every day. They make mistakes every day. They will most likely misbehave often. They haven’t perfected the art of sharing and putting others first, so they might be selfish at points. There will be times when they will be loud and rowdy or cranky. Their attention span is generally going to be shorter than an adult’s.

Thankfully, my parents understood this. And while I saw other minister’s children held to impossible standards by their families or congregation members, I wasn’t. That kind of pressure and emphasis on behaving because you’re being watched rather than because it comes from your heart creates someone who is good at playing along with Christianity but their heart is far from Christ. (Isaiah 29:13)

Of course, while my parents didn’t expect unrealistic perfection from us, they did require us to behave as they knew we could and should, based on our age and experience, and they prayed for us and had faith that God would keep us as we grew in Him.

My mother once had a conversation with another woman in ministry where this woman basically told my mom, “Oh, I expect my children to experiment with drinking and other things that they shouldn’t. They’re kids.” My mom’s reply was, “I don’t,” and she defended the foundation that she knew was being laid for us and her faith in God to lead us and His Holy Spirit to convict us. She didn’t demand for us to be super holy and perfect, but she also didn’t give us permission to live like the world. My parents trained us, discipled us, and disciplined us as needed. But our behavior wasn’t about the impression we were making or because we were the preacher’s kids. It was about becoming more like Christ and doing what was right and pleasing to God. If my parents hadn’t been in ministry positions, they would have trained us the exact same way.

As a little girl, I was a talkative, boisterous, wiggly child with boundless energy, a solid stubborn streak, and a temper thrown in just for fun. (My mother has laughed about how much my oldest son is like me, even to the point of telling me that she kind of feels sorry for me since she knows what I have to deal with sometimes.)

If any church member expected me to sit completely still and absorb every word spoken during the sermon and not doodle or fidget or fight with my brothers, they were probably sadly disappointed.

Some people seem to expect a child who is following Jesus to behave like a tiny adult, with a maturity that he or she hasn’t arrived at yet.

I loved Jesus. I absolutely did. But I was still a child, and even as I grew, I wasn’t perfect.

As an adult now, I have to remember that with my own children and the children I teach at church. While I can train my boys to be quiet during prayer (“close your eyes, sit still, clasp your hands” are just tools to help them focus), they aren’t going to last through a ten-minute interceding without at least looking around at some point. I can teach them how to respect God’s house and take care of the church, but they are still going to break out in a run occasionally, either entering or exiting the building, or talk loudly (even yell) when they get excited about something.

And as they grow and mature into older children, then young adults, they still aren’t going to always do everything right or be perfect, but Brad and I are prayerful that they will become more and more sensitive to God’s leading, as we continue to lead them in their walk with God, praying with them and over them and being the examples that they need. We never want their behavior to be based on an outward appearance. We want it to be motivated by their relationship with Jesus and His work in their lives.

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.” Philippians 3:12

Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid – #1 Being Raised in Church Isn’t Enough

March 21, 2016

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Confessions of a Preacher's Kid: Being Raised in Church ISN'T Enough. While having your children in church is a great start and a good foundation for their Christian walk, just being in church isn't a guarantee that your child will follow God all their life. But there is more that you can do to help encourage their lifelong relationship with Christ.

Some of you know that I grew up as a PK – a “pastor’s kid” or “preacher’s kid” – although I guess the correct terminology would be a “minister’s kid” because my dad wasn’t always in a position as the pastor, but he and my mother have always been in ministry of some kind (music ministry, youth leaders, elder, etc.), even before they were married.

Having the upbringing I did has given me a unique perspective on Christian life and a behind-the-scenes view that generally only other kids from ministry families know. Having known plenty of other PK’s, though, I know that my experience wasn’t always typical even among them.

So this is the start of a sort of series to share what I’ve learned throughout my life about Christianity, church, and following God’s calling, and how this affects how I approach laying the foundation of faith for my own children.

I’m calling it “Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid.”

Today’s confession: Being Raised in Church ISN’T Enough

Since we were preacher’s kids, most people would say that my brothers and I were “raised in church.” In Christianese, “being raised in church” means that, generally, you come from a Christian home and you’ve grown up attending church regularly (a PK more than attends church – you practically live at church at some points). It means that all your life, you’ve learned about Creation, Noah’s Ark, David and Goliath, Daniel and the Lions’ Den, Esther, and all about Jesus’s birth, His ministry on earth, His crucifixion, and His resurrection. You’ve probably learned several dozen memory verses, as well as the books of the Bible, the Ten Commandments, the Lord’s Prayer, and the Fruit of the Spirit. You know songs from multiple generations of church-goers – hymns, Sunday school songs with motions, and contemporary praise songs. You know the order of a typical service and when to clap or when to stand.

What “being raised in church” or even being a preacher’s kid doesn’t always mean is that you actually know Jesus and have a solid, growing relationship with Him.

What it doesn’t always mean is that you continue going to church once you are out of your parents’ home and on your own.

What it doesn’t always mean is that you step out and seek God for how to use the gifts and talents He’s placed in you to reach the lost world around you.

It’s sadly true.

Being raised in church is not a guarantee that your child will follow God. It’s a good foundation and a great start, but it’s not a sure thing.

I’ve seen it over and over again from the time I was young.

As one of the church kids who gave my life to Jesus at an early age (4 years old) and who has continued to grow in Him, stayed in church, and is active in serving, I’ve had parents ask me what they need to do to help their children continue to walk with God throughout their lives. They want to know why I’m “still in church” when other former minister’s kids and church kids are not.

My answer is this: I wasn’t raised in church. I was discipled in church. There’s a HUGE difference. The word “disciple” is more intentional. It means to “teach or train,” while “raise” just means “to grow.”

I didn’t just grow up. I was discipled.

(Now I will say, no matter how well you do in teaching your children, you can’t make them follow God. They still have freewill and a choice. However, if they’ve already made the decision to follow Jesus, then they need to be discipled and encouraged to continue growing in their relationship with God.)

I was taught and mentored by people (beginning with my parents) who had a high expectation of what God could do in and through children and young people. My time in Sunday school, children’s church, and youth group were not about entertaining me, keeping me happy, and teaching me to just be a good person. It was about discipling me, training me, preparing me, and teaching me about Who God is, what His Word says, who I am in Him, how the Bible applies to my life, finding out what His plan for my life was, and uncovering my gifts and talents so I could use them to reach and bless others.

I had teachers and mentors who challenged me, held me accountable to living in a way that was pleasing to God, and spoke the truth in love into my life.

One of those teachers was Miss Betty, a mighty, powerful woman of God who adores children almost as much as she does Jesus. She was my Sunday school teacher when I was in second or third grade, I think, but she didn’t water down the gospel for us because we were young. She fervently believed that God could speak to us and that we could understand and hear Him and follow His leading. She emphasized the importance of knowing scripture for ourselves. I remember her telling us that we needed to know what God’s Word said and bring our Bibles so we could see it for ourselves when she or anyone else was teaching or preaching. She also taught about our authority in Christ and how we could pray, quote scripture, and rebuke the Devil in Jesus’s name.

You might not think that that last point was important for a child or that we shouldn’t scare them with talk of the Devil or demons. But you know what? I needed it.

As a little girl of 7 or 8, I dealt with not only occasional fear at night, as most children do, but there was also a time period of what I now know were attacks from the Enemy to steal my peace and rest. Whether it was a few days or a week or so, I don’t remember, but as I was falling asleep at night, I would hear voices in my head, not talking to me, but about me to each other. The voices would argue and be nasty to each other. It was just weird and unsettling, and it was NOT my imagination.

However, thanks to Miss Betty and my parents, I knew that my Mighty God was with me, and I knew what to do. I prayed, out loud, and I quoted 2 Timothy 1:7, over and over – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” – until there was peace in my bedroom, my mind, and my heart.

Another person who discipled me was my high school youth pastor, Scott, who is probably the best youth pastor ever. He never let us stay comfortable in our walk with God. From his very first sermon as our youth pastor, he challenged us and pushed us to step out in faith, to go deeper with God, to know His voice and follow Him, and to expect God to do amazing things through our obedience.

When I approached Scott about how so many of our youth would do well in dramas and skits, he looked right back at me and said, “Then why don’t you start a drama team. I’m putting you in charge. You lead it.” That was not what I wanted or anticipated, but Scott was calling me to step up. If God put it in my heart and gave me the vision for it, there was a reason. (THAT was a growing experience for sure.)

Of course, my most important teachers were my parents. No matter how many great preachers or leaders I learned from, my parents were my first examples of what it meant to not just “stay in church,” but to stay in a relationship with Jesus. They lived it out before my brothers and me every day, and not just because they were in ministry or because it was their “job.” It was because they loved God. For my parents, ministry flows out of their relationship with Him. It’s never been about obligation but rather obedience.

Parents, while there will be tremendous people that God will put in your children’s lives to lead them and train them, you need to be their primary example.

You need to disciple your children.

Be intentional with your conversations.

Let them know how God has changed your life, and share what He has spoken to you lately and how He has used you.

Be honest and transparent about how God is stretching you or dealing with you in a certain area.

Teach them how to read the Bible and pray.

Challenge them to dig deeper in the Word and seek God.

Watch for their gifts and abilities and encourage them to find a way to use them for God’s glory.

Pray, pray, pray for them.

And yes, take them to church.

But if you want to help them have a genuine, thriving relationship with God, don’t just raise them in church. Disciple them.

Perhaps the “preacher calling” runs in the family – Elijah has already given his first sermon!

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Want to know what my other “confessions of a preacher’s kid” are?:

#2 – My Parents Never Expected Us to “Perfect Preacher’s Kids”

#3 – I Don’t Talk About God All the Time

#4 – True Ministry Isn’t Easy or Glamorous

#5 – How I’ve Maintained a Strong Faith

#6 – Not Being Like “the World” Doesn’t Mean You Have to Hide from It

Get more ideas & encouragement from this real-life mom as I experience God’s faithfulness through the joy and chaos of motherhood.

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Feature picture courtesy of CreationSwap/Bobby Ross.