Category - Family

4 Things that Helped Me through 2 Unmedicated “Natural” Deliveries

October 22, 2016

As I get closer to my due date for our third child (we have about 7-8 weeks to go), it’s been impossible not to look back at my previous two deliveries as I prepare to face this one. In addition, I’ve gotten lots of questions, now and ever since my first child was born, about my experiences with unmedicated “natural” deliveries (meaning vaginal, not induced, no pain medications, as “naturally” as possible, no interventions, etc.).

While every pregnancy and delivery is different, I’ve found that there are some things that seem to remain the same. So, for all you soon-to-be mamas, especially you first-timers, or you hoping-to-be mamas, here are four of the most important things that helped me through my two deliveries.

Disclaimer: I know that as mothers, we have plenty of choices to make when it comes to labor and delivery, and not everyone chooses the same things. This post is not about one delivery method or choice being better than another. It’s just about how I handled my deliveries, and what I’ve learned through the process. However, I think these can apply to any labor and delivery situation.

1. Educate & Inform Yourself

When you’re a first-time mom, you have a lot to learn, and that’s fine. You’ve never been here before. Accept that challenge, and do your best to educate and inform yourself about this new chapter in life.

I think one of the most important and empowering things for me as a brand new mom-to-be was going into the delivery room with some knowledge of what was going on, what should happen, what could happen, and what my options would be.

I knew that I was by no means as educated or experienced as my doctor or nurses, so it was important that I trusted them for the big things. I also didn’t go overboard with learning or researching to the point of making myself fearful of every worst case scenario, but neither did I want to be completely clueless.

One of the most helpful resources for me came along before I was even pregnant. Early in our marriage, Brad and I just happened to come across the movie, “The Business of Being Born” on TV one night, and we watched it together. While at first it made me a little nervous about EVER having a baby, it gave me enough information on what God had created my body to do, what my expectations of labor and delivery should be, how medical interventions affected the process, and allowed me to see that I could have a say, to an extent, in how my babies entered the world.

Once I was pregnant with Elijah, I read a couple of pregnancy and baby books, including the cliché “What to Expect” books, usually week by week as my baby developed, and I subscribed to a couple of different websites geared toward mommies-to-be.

Brad and I also attended a one-day birthing class hosted by our hospital, as well as took the hospital tour once I reached my third trimester.

From all I had learned from researching and conversations with other mothers, I decided to, and was prepared to, deliver my baby without pain medications and as naturally as possible. Since Brad had shared in my learning, he knew why I made that choice, and he was 100 percent on board.

Oh, and one thing that I wish I had learned about before Elijah’s birth: perineal massage. That would have been helpful.

Actually, I saw a brief note about it about two weeks before he was due, but didn’t think much about it. However, Elijah’s head is larger than average, and unfortunately for me, that meant he got a little…um…stuck during delivery. It was only at that point that the doctor, who was not my regular OB/GYN, asked me if I’d done any perineal massage. No one had mentioned it to me at any time before, not even my doctor, so – no I hadn’t. And I ended up with a tear and stitches in places a lady should never have stitches, which made my recovery much more difficult.

And I KNOW the difference in recovery because, having learned my lesson with Elijah, I planned ahead, followed the instructions I found online, and was better prepared for Josiah’s arrival. Without the tearing and stitches, I bounced back amazingly easily after he was born.

So, yes, educating yourself and being informed is important. (See end of the post for additional resources)

2. Your Support Team & Good Nurses are Vital, but God Is Your Biggest Support

Another important detail on your delivery day is who will be surrounding you as you face labor and birth. You want people who will be your advocates, encouragers, and help you stay calm and as stress-free as possible. What you don’t want are people who question you on everything, give you too much sympathy, or make you feel weak or incapable. (You need to be a strong, confident warrior-mommy.)

For me it has always been my husband and my mother, one as my cheerleader and the other as my coach. (I’ve often said that my mom would make an excellent doula.) Both Brad and Mom were supportive of my desire to deliver as naturally as possible, and they did everything they could to help me in that. I know that I could not have made it through either boy’s delivery nearly as well without them both. (You can read a bit more about it in “8 of My Favorite Things about Being Pregnant“)

In addition, I’ve always been blessed with wonderful nurses at the hospital where I deliver. During Elijah’s delivery, especially, when I had a doctor who was less than confident in my abilities and my determination to deliver without pain meds, it was imperative that I had supportive, helpful, kind nurses who weren’t condescending to me or my wish for a natural birth. One nurse in particular was amazing in how she helped me with my breathing through the worst of the final stages of labor.

However, despite being surrounded by a strong support team, there does come a point in delivery where it truly is just you and God bringing your baby into the world. He is the only One who knows that baby as well as you – better even. From the start of my pregnancies, we’d prayed for His presence and His hand on our babies, so when it came to the actual delivery, where else did I expect Him to be but with me? For me, delivering my children was a chance to trust God and rely on Him in way I’d never done before.

So many times during contractions, I would pray and just focus on Him or hear a praise song in my head that would encourage me and remind me that I could do all things because God would give me the strength. Since He designed my body to carry and delivery babies, and He gave us this child, I could trust Him, more than anyone else, to help me through it.

3. It’s Only Pain

Yes. Labor hurts. It hurts, hurts, HURTS! And it’s work. It’s not fun. There is NO denying that. And making the choice to go without pain medication at all meant that I felt every bit of pain that labor and delivery could bring me from start to finish. It was part of my expectation (and yes, dread) of the day. You have to plan for and expect the pain. It’s going to be there.

However, it is pain with a purpose, a pain that will eventually pass, and a pain that ends with a precious baby. That’s what I reminded myself of as the contractions got intense.

And God has been gracious to us women, even in childbirth, in that as the pain builds, so does your tolerance. You may even doze between contractions at some point. You kind of get used to the pain, and then it increases. Then you get used to coping with that, and so on, until you think you can’t handle anymore. And then it’s time to push (OUCH!), and that pain motivates you to do whatever you need to to help that baby out. (Haha!)

There are so many ways to cope with the pain, but the biggest one is to remain calm, relax, and breathe. My deliveries were not marked by the crazy, overly dramatic moments seen on television shows or in movies – no flailing, screaming, or beating my husband.

In fact, with our first son’s birth, I was so calm when it was time to go to the hospital that my silly hubby didn’t believe I was actually ready to have the baby. In the car, he called his parents to let them know we were headed to the hospital, and he seriously told them, “Well, we’re going in, but I don’t think this is it.” (Okay, I MAY have smacked him THEN! After being up since 2am with contractions that increased throughout the day and were consistent with what the doctor said they should be, I KNEW that baby was coming that night.) Brad has since learned not to doubt me. 🙂

I also often reminded myself that if Abraham’s wife, Sarah, in the Bible, could be in her nineties and deliver a baby in the desert, I could certainly do it in my thirties and in a hospital with modern conveniences.

4. Flexibility Is Key

You have to go into your delivery knowing that there is a chance you’ll need to be flexible. Not so much physically flexible (although that might be helpful), but rather being ready to adjust your plans, vision, or expectations of what your birth experience will be.

Even though my births went fairly according to the book, we did have to make some adjustments even to how I coped with the pain (not every method works in every situation) or how we moved the delivery along (I did have to have them break my water with both deliveries, even though I waited as long as possible).

Clearly, I didn’t want stitches with Elijah. That was NOT in my birth plan. But it happened.

With Josiah, I experienced the “labor shakes,” something I’d never heard of until, yep, I was experiencing it. It was not pleasant and not ideal. Not being able to move around more – I like to be walking or up as much as possible – or control my breathing as well because my body was literally shaking from my feet clear up through my chest, made laboring much more difficult, and it was frustrating.

If you want to deliver your child without pain medication, know that it IS possible. It’s totally doable. You CAN do it, even when you have to adjust some things. Of course, if things come up, and everything changes on your plan, that’s okay, too. Do what’s best for you and the baby – always.

We had only minor adjustments, but they didn’t change the fact that my boys arrived safely and healthy, which was the most important part of our plan.

So there you go. That’s how I delivered two beautiful babies as naturally as possible and completely medication-free: being educated, surrounding myself with supportive people, expecting and planning for the pain, and being flexible.

It’s how I plan to bring this third little guy into the world soon. 🙂

While I haven’t gone through my third labor yet, here’s what’s been the best thing for helping me through this third pregnancy and all it’s discomforts.

UPDATE: Want to know how my third labor went? Here’s Isaiah’s birth story – It was a birth story that didn’t quite go according to my plan.

Since I recommend being educated as part of your labor and delivery preparation, I asked a community of online moms for the best resources for a mom wanting an unmedicated, natural birth experience. Below are some of their most popular answers. (Some of the links below may be affiliate links, which mean that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission when you use the links.)

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin (Ina May is one of the midwives featured on the above-mentioned documentary, “The Business of Being Born.”)

Husband-Coached Childbirth: The Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth by Robert Bradley, MD.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon

BradleyBirth.com (You can find local Bradley method birthing classes)

Redeeming Childbirth: Experiencing His Presence in Pregnancy, Labor, Childbirth, and Beyond by Angie Tolpin, plus RedeemingChildbirth.com (has free resources) and CourageousMom.com

The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth by William Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN

BirthBootCamp.com

Birth Without Fear Facebook community

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

Welcoming Isaiah: A Birth Story that Didn’t Quite Follow My Birth Plan

5 Tips & Tricks I’ve Learned with My 3rd Baby That I Wish I’d Known With My First

10 Items That Helped Us Adjust to Life with a New Baby

3 Things I Know About Becoming a Mother

September 21, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: 3 Things I Know about Becoming a Mother. With all the parents-wanting-to-be swooning over my baby belly lately, I find that there are a few things I want them to know about what it means to become a mommy or a daddy.

Counting from when I first became pregnant with Elijah, I’ve been a mother for over seven years. Looking back at the starry-eyed mommy-wanting-to-be that I was when we were first preparing to start our family, I don’t think I realized how much I would change or all that I would learn once I became a mother.

I’ve been reminded of my own eager mommy naiveté lately, as young female friends, family, and even strangers swoon over my baby belly with their own hopes and dreams of becoming mommies someday. I find myself smiling at their innocence with a “you have no idea” knowing that only comes from experience. I remember well that “Oh, babies are so precious,” and “children are so fun” mindset that painted motherhood and parenting as idealistically as a newborn diaper commercial. Not that babies and children aren’t precious and fun, but parenting isn’t all sweet things and blissful days and nights.

So from my seven years of mothering, here are three things I know about what it means to become a mother. (And most of this applies to becoming a daddy, too, but since I’m a mom, that’s where I write from.)

#1. YOU WILL CHANGE FROM HEAD TO TOE, INSIDE AND OUT

From the moment those two little pink lines show up on the pregnancy test (and even before then), you begin changing, and you’ll never be the same again. Everyone realizes that a pregnant woman’s body changes in multiple ways, and despite our current culture’s pressure for moms to just snap right back to their pre-baby selves, it really isn’t realistic (or fair or necessary). Sure you can lose the extra weight, especially when you breastfeed, and you can exercise and tone up, but it will, and should, take some time. Plus there will still be areas of your body that are changed forever, even if others never see the evidence.

And the physical changes are actually the least drastic of them all.

Yes, mommies-wanting-to-be, there are more dramatic adjustments once you have a child than stretchmarks and maybe a belly pooch.

Motherhood changes EVERYTHING – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, and financially.

Think you’ve loved someone before? It won’t compare to when you hold that baby for the first time (or even feel his first kicks in your belly). Ever been frustrated? Try going up against a strong-willed toddler in the epic parenting face-offs known at “potty training” or “naptime.” Been proud of someone? Just wait until your mini-me digs deep and determinedly learns to tie her shoes or ride a bike or starts to read or shows compassion and generosity toward others.

And before you have children, let’s face it – You pretty much think about yourself and what you need. Yes, marriage is good at teaching you to put someone else first, and hopefully you consider your spouse’s needs and sacrifice for them. However, from your first seconds of parenthood (and on for basically the rest of your life), so many decisions and choices will be run through the filter of “how will this affect my child?” Don’t believe me? Everything you do when you’re pregnant will prove it – what you eat, how you care for yourself, and what you do. Once that little bundle of joy arrives, you’ll plan your days around their naps or feedings or both (maybe not precisely, but at least roughly), you’ll make grocery lists based on what your preschooler will actually eat this week, and you’ll pick where you live with consideration of the schools in the area.

Every major decision you make will also be even more a matter of prayer. Seriously, I don’t know that any area of your life will be as affected by parenting as your spiritual walk. You’ve only THOUGHT you needed wisdom before. Raising children will take you to your knees like nothing else. Patience, discernment, direction, peace – yep, you’ll need everything God can give. And trusting God hits a whole new level when you place your child in His hands.

While most people know that having children will affect you financially – they do have to eat and be clothed, after all – I’m not sure how many nonparents realize how different your social life will become once Junior is in the picture. Even beyond going out often and easily (either you are taking your children – that’s a whole new ballgame – or you’re arranging for a babysitter), unless all your friends have children or really love kids, there are going to be some that just don’t get your new situation in life. You most likely won’t have as much time or even interest in things you used to do often, and they probably won’t have the same excitement you have over your child’s latest milestones or in seeing all 557 pictures you took of your little one that morning at the park. You will be at different places in your life, and that’s okay. God has His own unique plan for each of us and our families. So be prepared to give them some grace, and do your best to keep in touch, even if you don’t spend as much time together as you used to.

#2. YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH

I know. I KNOW. This isn’t what any of us want to hear. We want to think that we can rock this parenting thing if we just try hard enough, get super organized, stop comparing ourselves to other moms, embrace our own strengths, and so on. In fact, it’s kind of a thing among the mother and women’s community at large right now to loudly and repeatedly tell you that “You are enough!” There are blogs, t-shirts, memes, coffee mugs, and who knows what all else to remind you of your wonderful capabilities and awesome mom potential.

However, all of those well-meaning cheerleaders are setting you up for frustration, disappointment, and no end of discouragement because it’s simply not true.

You, in and of yourself, are not, and will never be, enough for your children. No amount of effort on your part is going to change that.

I’m not sure why we would want to fight so hard to prove we can do it by ourselves. Parenting is HARD, like, REALLY HARD.

I know I’m not the only mother who has those days when I can’t wait for my husband to get home- not because I’ve missed him or have something important to tell him, but simply because I NEED HIS HELP. I need a break from our boys, from their demands for my attention, from their fighting, from the constant giving and caring I’ve been doing since I woke up that morning. Tagging out when Brad is ready to take over can be such a relief.

In those moments, if I believed I was supposed to be enough for them, I would feel like such a complete failure.

Thankfully, I KNOW that I’m not. And I know that Brad’s not enough as their dad. Even together, amazing parents that we are :), we aren’t enough for our precious boys.

And we’re glad about that.

Why?

Because we know that God did not design parenting (or much else in life) to be something you could do independent of Him. It’s something you can only do well WHEN you rely on Him.

We are never enough, but He is ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH. We will make mistakes and fail, but He is perfect and always faithful.

2 Corinthians 3:9 reminds us that His “’grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Yes, I “can do all things,” but it’s only “through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

Being able to seek God’s guidance, strength, PATIENCE, wisdom, and power instead of relying on my own (very weak) human strength, allows me to be the mom that God called me to be to my children.

God planned for me to be their mother, and God has gifted me with talents and abilities that I can use in that calling, but I can’t do it without Him.

And my kids need to know that, too. I’m not my children’s source. It’s not my job to be their source of joy or of peace, of safety or of health, of goodness or of salvation. They need to rely on God as much as I do. But if I’m trying to be “enough” for them on my own, how will they realize their need for Him?

#3. YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO GO BACK

Parenting is hard, and it changes everything for you, but I can promise you that even despite that, you will NEVER want to go back to life before your children.

Not seriously, anyway.

There may be days that you reminisce about how easy and carefree life was when two or three kids weren’t fighting in the background, or how awesome it was to get a full, uninterrupted night’s sleep once upon a time. But honestly, in your heart of hearts, you will never, ever want to go back to not being a parent.

And perhaps this is the part that longing-to-be-mommies and – daddies see in us that makes them swoon and sigh over our sweet new little ones, our precocious preschoolers, or our growing grade-schoolers. They see that overwhelming, straight-from-heaven love that softens the difficult days and cements the really great ones into our memories forever. They hear the pride and joy in our voices (or read it in our social media posts) when our kids do something adorable or impressive. They may not have faced the struggles of parenting yet, but they see the rewards in our relationship with our children, these amazing, inspiring, precious gifts from God.

When those young, naïve parents-wanting-to-be start talking about how awesome it will be to a mom or dad someday, I find myself smiling at their innocence with a “you have no idea” knowing that only comes from very cherished experience. 🙂

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

5 Everyday Moments that Make Being a Mom Totally Worth It

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Welcoming Isaiah: A Birth Story that Didn’t Quite Follow to My Birth Plan

Going “Naked” at the Water Park

5 Tips & Tricks I Learned with My 3rd Baby that I Wish I’d Known with My 1st

8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

August 13, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: 8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant. Pregnancy can bring all sorts of discomforts and inconveniences, but there are so many wonderful parts to being pregnant. Here are 8 of my favorite!

For the last few months, this third pregnancy has had me slightly off my game more so than my other two pregnancies did. The tiredness, nausea, yucky taste, and more have been a bit of a struggle, especially with having my two boys to keep up with. Now that I’m a little more than halfway through, I’m feeling a bit better, for now (I know that the end-of-pregnancy uncomfortableness is still ahead of me).

With all the not-so-fun things that come with pregnancy, there are still so many wonderful parts of pregnancy than make up for the inconveniences and discomforts.

Here are 8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

#1. Expectant Mother Parking

Okay, this might sound silly, but I was so excited the first time I was able to pull into one of those special parking spaces. I had seen them popping up at various stores not long before I became pregnant with Elijah, and I thought that it was such a nice consideration for expectant and new mothers. I waited until I was rather obviously pregnant before taking advantage of them, so you know I was happy to have a shorter walk into the grocery store at that point.

#2. Special Consideration from Others

Similar to the expectant mother parking, it’s always nice when people are extra kind to you, and when you’re pregnant, most people are especially kind and helpful. Sure, some people might be a bit too free with their advice or invading your personal belly space, but for the most part, you are treated with a courtesy and friendliness that is often only experienced during the holiday season.

#3. Ultrasounds & the Heart Doppler

Few sounds are as beautiful as hearing your baby’s heartbeat, especially for the first time. It’s the highlight of every doctor’s appointment. That deep little “swish, swish, swish” sound is reassurance that your little one is doing well.

And while I’m not a fan of having a ton of ultrasounds while I’m pregnant, it is pretty exciting to have that visual confirmation of your baby’s growth. Seeing the profile, and yes, finding out whether you are carrying a boy or a girl, is a milestone that every mother waits for (even if you don’t want to know your baby’s sex before he/she is born).

This is how Josiah looked in utero.

#4. Feeling the Baby Kick

Even beyond the ultrasound, this is the milestone I look forward to and cherish: feeling the baby move. Trying to explain the sensation to someone who’s never been pregnant is pretty much impossible, but once you’ve experienced it, it’s something you’ll never forget. (I’ve had dreams that I was pregnant and in those dreams, I felt that baby moving…crazy.)

And, yes, as the baby gets bigger, those flutters and shoves become jabs and hard kicks and “please quit pushing on my ribs.” But even with those more powerful movements, you are bonding with your baby, learning their personality before you officially meet them.

For me, Elijah was my little ninja. He liked to kick, and kick, and kick. He also showed his stubbornness early by kicking me every time I moved to my left side, and he would continue kicking until I rolled to my right. Yep. I even warned Brad about this one.

Josiah’s style was more parkour. He flipped, kicked, and shoved constantly, and that has carried over since birth. He is our little daredevil who never walks when he can run, who climbs EVERYTHING just so he can jump off it. We’d kind of hoped he would be a bit more laid-back than Elijah, but…nope.

We’ve already been praying about this third boy. 🙂

#5. Comradery with Every Other Mother in the World

Just like you bond with your baby while you’re pregnant, being pregnant also gives you an instant bond with every other woman who has ever been pregnant or become a mother in some way. You’ll exchange stories about your experiences during the months you carried your babies and share your birth stories and the first-six-weeks-with-a-newborn stories.

Despite what we hear about “mommy wars,” I’ve found that most moms are super supportive and encouraging, and that kind of community is a wonderful thing.

#6. Deeper Appreciation for My Mother

Nothing makes you appreciate your own mom like becoming one yourself. Experiencing pregnancy, labor & delivery, and life with a little one, you can’t help but think about your mother, now that you know what she went through for you.

Thankfully, my mom and I have always had a very close relationship, and my pregnancies have only brought us closer. Not only has she been the one I go to for advice, encouragement, questions, and prayer, but my mom has been there with me through each labor and delivery. She has coached me through two un-medicated natural deliveries, knowing the pain I was feeling but helping me stay focused and determined through it all. (She’s not a professional doula, but she totally could be!) And of course, she has always been ready to help during those early weeks (and anytime, no matter our kids’ ages, actually), even if she just does dishes for us or sits with the baby while I get a nap.

#7. Deeper Appreciation for My Husband

Pregnancy and parenting aren’t easy, but it is easier when you have a supportive, on-board partner to share it with.

Most any given day, I know that I have a rather fabulous husband. He has been fabulous from day one. But I am reminded even more so of his fabulousness when I’m pregnant and once we’re in the midst of caring for a newborn.

Not only does he help with our boys even more and take care of additional household chores when I don’t feel well or just physically can’t, but he does it with joy. He insists that I rest when I need to because he knows I have a tendency to push myself maybe more than I should. He does whatever he can to help me through the unpleasant parts of pregnancy, whether it’s stopping on his way home to pick up more salt & vinegar chips to help me with the nasty taste in my mouth or massaging my achy legs at night even when he’s really tired himself.

In the delivery room, if my mom is the coach, he’s my cheerleader. I know it’s tough for him to see me go through it, but he’s never left my side. And once our babies arrive, he is the sweetest of daddies, changing their first diapers and waking in the night along with me to bring the baby to me for feedings (in the weeks that Brad is off from work) or doing his best to soothe a cranky little one, sometimes falling asleep in the rocking chair himself.

#8. A Baby

This sounds kind of obvious, but the best part of being pregnant, the one thing that makes all the difficult, painful moments worthwhile is that moment when the doctor hands you your squirmy, wrinkly little one and you really meet your baby for the first time. That moment, and about a million others over the next year (and years). Loving and caring for this child, watching them grow and learn, knowing that God has a unique and divine purpose and plan for him, and seeing that plan slowly unfold through his personality and talents, his likes and passions, and God’s leading – there really is nothing better.

It doesn’t change, either, from your first baby to your second or third or so on. Each one brings a new, unique joy and love to your life.

It is absolutely the best part of being pregnant.

So, moms, what would you add to the list? What is something you love or loved about being pregnant?

19 Old Wives’ Tales & Myths for Predicting Your Baby’s Gender

July 26, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: Tried It Tuesday - 19 Old Wives' Tales & Myths for Predicting Your Baby's Gender. Do old wives' tales actually work to correctly predict a baby's gender? I put 19 to the test and compared them with our actual ultrasound.

Probably the two questions that I’ve heard even more this pregnancy than both of my other ones have been: “Do you know what you’re having?” (I always answer, “A baby,” even though I know they’re asking about the gender), and “Are you hoping for a girl?”

Because we have two boys, there are plenty of people who really want us to have a girl, our two boys included. And since the grandchildren on my side of the family are only boys so far – 8 in a row , and Brad’s side has only one girl and then 5 boys in a row…well, there are plenty of hopes for a girl soon to break those streaks as well.

Brad and I, however, are fine either way. We’d like a girl, but we also love having boys. Plus we have basically everything we’d need for a boy, and we’re getting pretty good at parenting boys.

Well, yesterday we reached that big milestone that many expectant parents look forward to: The 20-Week Ultrasound. You know, the one they do at 18-20 weeks to measure and check all the baby’s body parts, including those that will reveal the gender of your baby.

Since we are “finder-outers” who feel that the surprise of our baby’s gender is as much of a surprise now as it would be when he/she is born, we definitely opted to know if we were are having a boy or a girl.

However, before we did that, I took a suggestion from my sister-in-law (who is also expecting) to go through some old wives’ tales and myths for gender predicting so we can see how those results compare to the ultrasound.

There were way more out there than I have ever heard of, so I only did the ones that I really wanted to, but here are what the old wives’ tales say I should be having (stay with me, and I’ll let you know what the ultrasound showed us). Oh, and these are ALL just for fun. I don’t know that many of them have any scientific evidence to back them up, even though a few of them have proven to be surprisingly accurate more often than not for many moms-to-be.

19 Old Wives’ Tales & Myths to Predict Gender

#1. HOW YOU CARRY

I would guess that nearly every expectant mother has heard this one at some point. If you’re carrying the baby high, it’s a girl. If your baby belly is lower, it’s a boy.

For me, this bump looks pretty much like my other two, but I’m not sure if any of them were really high or low. However since it’s the same, we’ll say, BOY.

#2. CHINESE GENDER PREDICTOR CALENDAR

Supposedly the Chinese have had this one figured out for centuries. By looking at both the age of the mother when the baby was conceived and the month the baby was conceived, this chart can tell you whether you’re having a boy or a girl.

My results: BOY.

#3. HEART RATE

I remembered this one from my previous two pregnancies. According to this theory, if your baby’s heartbeat is below 140 beats per minute, you’re carrying a boy. If it’s over 140, it’s a girl.

Based on this, both of my boys should have been girls because they had higher heart rates. This time around, the baby’s heart is generally around 150, so GIRL? (Or just another active boy?)

#4. CRAVINGS

If you have developed a serious sweet tooth with this pregnancy, this myth says that you’ve got a girl. If you are going more for the salty or sour items, expect a boy.

Sadly, I’ve never really had cravings! I was so looking forward to the quirky things I’d want when I was pregnant, but alas, I experience more food aversions than cravings. However, with Elijah I ate a lot of fruits and veggies, and with Josiah more sugar and sweets, probably because I was tired after chasing a toddler around while pregnant and needed a boost of energy.

This baby, I’m just coping with the nasty taste I struggle with all pregnancy as best as I can, and salty or sour things work better for that. So, BOY, I guess.

#5. Wedding Ring on a String

This is a crazy old tale, and it seems to have a few different versions, so I did two of them.

One is to put your wedding ring on a string or a piece of your hair (went with some thread for this), and hold the ring over your belly. If it starts going in a circle, you’ll have a boy. If it goes back and forth like a pendulum, it’s a girl. This one circled, so BOY.

#6. NECKLACE VARIATION

However, another version is to dangle a necklace with a pendant over your hand or wrist. If it circles this time, it’s a girl. Pendulum swing, it’s a boy. This one also circled, but that would mean GIRL.

#7. MAJOR MORNING SICKNESS

If you are seriously fighting morning sickness early on or continuously throughout your pregnancy, you might be having a girl. Slight or non-existent sickness could mean a boy.

This time around I have been more nauseated and have actually felt sicker more often.

Based on this idea: GIRL.

#8. MOTHER’S COMPLEXION

If you’re dealing with a lot of blemishes and breakouts throughout your pregnancy, you can expect a daughter, or so this theory says since an old tale says that a girl steals her mother’s beauty. For me, this means BOY.

#9. MOTHER’S FEET

If you have been having colder feet lately, blame your little boy. If your tootsies are fine and toasty, it’s a girl.

It’s summer, so I’m not sure how accurate this one’s going to be because my feet have been plenty warm. GIRL.

#10. WHICH BREAST IS BIGGER

Okay, if this is TMI for you, just move past it. However, this belief states that if you notice that you are slightly lopsided up top, you can predict your baby’s gender. If your right side is bigger, it’s a boy. If it’s your left, it’s a girl.

BOY.

#11. DREAMS OF BABY

This one says that when you dream of your baby, if you dream of a boy, it’s actually a girl. If you’re dreaming of a girl, expect a boy. Your dreams supposedly show the opposite of what you’re having.

I’ve had two dreams of a baby boy, so does that mean a GIRL?

#12. HAIRY LEGS

According to this one, if the hair on your legs is growing in faster than normal, you’re having a boy.

Thankfully that hasn’t happened to me because shaving when you’re pregnant is enough of a PAIN! So, GIRL.

#13. CRAVINGS, Part 2

If the expectant mom is craving proteins, such as meat and cheese, she can plan on a boy.

Don’t know that it’s a craving, but cheese is something that I CAN eat. BOY.

#14. COLOR OF YOUR URINE

Yeah, kind of gross, but here’s what it says: If your pee is bright yellow, it’s a girl. Dull or clear, it’s a boy. I also saw the reverse of this, too – bright is for boys, and dull/clear is a girl. So…hmmm.

Plus if you’re taking a prenatal vitamin (which will make urine quite bright) and drinking the water you should be (which will give you clearer results), this test is just going to be all kinds of confused.

INCONCLUSIVE.

#15. BABY NAMES

If you can only think of names for one gender, that’s the gender you’ll have.

For us, we’ve only come up with girls’ names so far…GIRL.

#16. WEIGHT GAIN

This old wives’ tale says that if you’re gaining all your weight out front, you’ll have a boy. But if your weight is spread out all over, you’ve got a girl.

Hmmm…GIRL.

#17. HEADACHES

If you are experiencing headaches during your pregnancy, this theory says it’s because you’re going to have a boy.

No headaches here, so GIRL, although I don’t think I’ve ever had headaches with my boys (not until after they were born, anyway. Haha).

#18. SKIN

Dry skin during pregnancy is said to be caused by carrying a boy, while smooth, soft skin can be the result of expecting a girl.

I haven’t noticed any major dry skin, so we’ll say GIRL.

#19. FAMILY HISTORY

Do you have siblings? If so, you can predict your child’s gender by looking at the gender order for you and your brothers and sisters.

Were you the first born? You’ll have what your mom had, only starting at the second child.

If you’re in the middle, start with her third child.

For the baby of the family, you get to copy your mother’s order exactly.

Thankfully, my parents had three kids, so this works out easily for us. I don’t know how you do this if your parents only have one or two children.

According to this, we’re due for a GIRL.

RESULTS

Based on these old wives’ tales:

7/19 Point to a BOY

11/19 Say expect a GIRL

1/19 Inconclusive

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND OLD WIVES’ TALES

Of course, none of these old wives’ tales, myths, and internet ideas are as accurate as what an ultrasound can reveal. Even though some ultrasounds have been proven wrong when the baby is actually born (surprise it’s NOT a boy!), they are generally correct 90-95% of the time.

Our ultrasounds have been pretty obvious each time, even to Brad, who can’t always follow all the shadows and blobs on the screen. (Love you, honey!) And since I’m…ahem…older this time around, we actually have to have our ultrasounds done at the hospital because they have better technology to screen for deformities and issues that are statistically a higher risk since I’m now over 35. So, if we could tell the first two times, we should definitely be able to tell this time around with better equipment and picture quality.

And this ultrasound was just as easy to tell. It was no different. And by no different, I mean we’ve seen this kind of ultrasound before…twice. 🙂

We are very happy to announce that we will be welcoming our THIRD boy! Even though our boys were kind of hoping for a girl, they were very quick to embrace the idea of having a new little brother, and Brad and I are preparing for all the fun ahead with keeping up with three active boys. (By the way, we made our own color powder to put in a balloon.)

So, less than half of the old wives’ tales agreed with our ultrasound.

EXPECTANT MOMS, WHAT WERE YOUR RESULTS? Have you tried any of these or other old wives’ tales to predict your baby’s gender? What does your ultrasound show (or what did you have)? Let me know, and I can update this article with your totals, too!

Our Favorite Children’s Book About Pregnancy & Babies

July 6, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: Our Favorite Children's Book about Pregnancy & Babies. We love this simple, easy to read story about where babies come from. Perfect for young children & preschoolers. Informative without giving too much information.

When Elijah was about a year and a half old, I came across a children’s book that I knew we had to get. We were shopping at the thrift store, which is where about 75 percent of our kids’ library has come from, and I picked up a book titled, When You Were Inside Mommy. Giving it a quick glance through, it seemed simple enough for Elijah to understand and enjoy, so I figured it was worth the 90-cents. Plus, knowing that a second child was most likely in our future, a book for young children about babies and where they come from was going to come in handy.

This cute little book, written by Joanna Cole (author of the Magic School Bus series), quickly became one of his favorites, as well as mine. He loved learning about what it was like for him as he grew inside Mommy’s tummy, and it often led to stories from my pregnancy with him, such as how he liked to kick when I turned to my left side or how we decided on his name.

The story is written in simple terms but with enough information that a young child learns about how babies grow in the womb, how they get food and air through the umbilical cord, and how Mommy and Daddy waited and waited for their baby’s arrival. And while it’s informative, it doesn’t give too much information or create too many questions. (Also, while this story is about a mother giving birth vaginally at the hospital, you could easily add in your own details if you had a C-section or home birth or whatever your birth story might entail.)

By the time I was expecting Josiah, Elijah had a pretty good handle on the basics of what was going on with his little brother inside Mommy’s tummy and what would happen when Josiah was born. This book was on regular rotation at bedtime for most of that pregnancy.

And it’s back, again, for our third time around, with Josiah being the one fascinated with how it was when he was a baby and also how our newest baby is growing. He loves watching YouTube videos about how babies develop in utero (the boys enjoy seeing how big the baby is each week – this week we have an avocado), and he likes to point out the “bilical” cord, since he knows what it does, thanks to this book.

I say that this is our favorite book on where babies come from, but honestly, we haven’t really read many others. We haven’t needed to. And while it is geared toward ages two to four, Elijah still likes to read it, and I know that we’re going to keep this one in our collection for years to come.

While I picked up our copy at the thrift store, you can also find it on Amazon. Here is my affiliate link (which means that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through that link): When You Were Inside Mommy.

WHAT RESOURCE OR BOOK HAVE YOU USED TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT BABIES?

The Most Annoying Pregnancy Symptom that I’d Never Heard of

June 24, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: The Most Annoying Pregnancy Symptom that I'd Never Heard of. When I was pregnant with my first child, there was one symptom - a persistent bad taste in my mouth - that was more annoying and frustrating than any other symptom I faced. Here's how I dealt with it and what I've learned about dysgeusia, the bitter, sour, metallic taste in my mouth when I'm pregnant.

When I started suspecting a few months ago that I might be pregnant, I was hesitant to take a test because my symptoms were a little different than what I’d experienced with my previous two pregnancies. I mean, being tired and having dizzy spells could easily be explained away as just being an exhausted mom of two active boys. The couple weeks of tenderness in my chest, though, was bit more what I was used to. However, even that wasn’t what I was looking for.

There was one symptom that I KNEW from my previous pregnancies that meant I was pregnant, without a doubt, and I wasn’t experiencing it.

With my first pregnancy, when this symptom hit, I didn’t know what to make of it. I’d never heard it listed among the classic “you must be pregnant” things, such as morning sickness, tiredness, sensitivity to smells, and food cravings. In fact, I’d never heard of it at all.

However, it was one of the first things that I had, and it made me the most miserable. Oh, and it lasted ALL NINE MONTHS!

What was it? A horrible, persistent, nasty taste in my mouth.

Sometimes bitter, sometimes metallic, sometimes sourish or just plain indescribably gross, the taste would cause me to gag or have to spit all day (and night) long. It was only gone when I was eating something. Once I didn’t have something in my mouth, it came back with a vengeance. Also, I found that eating certain foods, like milk or anything sweet, made it even worse.

From the first time I ate something in the morning, usually a cracker or toast even before I got out of bed (thank you, morning sickness) until I was finally able to fall asleep despite it, the taste was there.

At first my doctor and other experienced mothers suggested it might be caused by acid reflux or heartburn, both common during pregnancy. However, even taking medicine for heartburn didn’t change the taste.

I know now that it is somehow connected to all the crazy changing hormones.

As I started researching how to deal with this gag-inducing taste, I found out that it was way more common than I thought. It’s called dysgeusia.

Even though I also dealt with numerous other common pregnancy side effects: nausea, fatigue, sensitivity to smells, crying way easier than normal, heartburn, and food aversions, the bad taste in my mouth was seriously the MOST ANNOYING, FRUSTRATING thing about being pregnant.

I tried chewing gum, but found out that anything with artificial sugar made me even more nauseated, as did anything bubble gum flavored. Mints aggravated my heartburn.

It was super fun.

When Elijah was born, the taste was gone immediately.

Then, when I woke up one morning a few years later with a horrible taste in my mouth, I knew there was only one thing it could be. Our second baby was on his way, and I was about to face another nine months of yucky dysgeusia.

During that pregnancy, I tried lots of things to get rid of the taste. Lemon drops and cinnamon disks helped some, but the candy irritated my tongue after a while and had a lot of sugar.

Eventually I discovered that salt helped to neutralize the taste for a while, so I began swishing salt water and sucking on sunflower seeds all the time.

Again the taste plagued me for all nine months, and it actually seemed worse than the first pregnancy. However, I took some comfort in its presence after talking with my mom’s neighbor lady.

She was a mother to six children, and she had dealt with the dysgeusia with some of her pregnancies, too. When the taste was there, she had healthy, successful pregnancies. When it was absent, she miscarried.

So, while it was super annoying, it was a sign that things were going well with my baby, which was the most important thing.

Once again, when the baby was born, the taste went away immediately.

Now I know that there are some really rough pregnancies symptoms that I’ve never faced, such as actually throwing up all nine months or dealing with an illness while pregnant. And I also know that some women would happily go through anything just to be pregnant and have a baby.

I’m just saying that for as annoying as this symptom is – having to spend your days constantly battling not to gag on your own saliva – and having heard from several other mothers who have struggled with it, I’m surprised to have never heard about it before I lived with it for nine months…twice.

However, like any mother will tell you, my babies are worth whatever I have to go through to have them. Absolutely.

Which brings me back to my most recent baby on board.

After wondering about my unusual (for me) symptoms for a week or more, I finally decided to find out one way or the other, even though I wasn’t dealing with a nasty taste.

When I took the pregnancy test, I wasn’t as positive this time around that it would positive, and I was a little surprised when it was. (So was Brad. Haha.)

In the back of my mind, I was a little worried due to what my mother’s neighbor had said before, but I was also a little excited to think that I might face a yucky-taste-free pregnancy for a change.

Until about a week later, when I woke up to my old friend, dysgeusia, and it was pregnancy as normal for me once more.

This time around, it seems even more intense, so I’ve had to find new solutions for dealing with it. I can’t even handle the smell of sunflower seeds now, so they aren’t an option. (Nine months of them one time was apparently enough for me.)

(The following links are affiliate links to products that have helped me this time around. This means that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission if you use the link to make a purchase.)

I’ve found that butterscotch disks and Gin Gins candies seem to help some, although not so much on some days as others. Mostly I’m going with salty things, such as Salt & Vinegar chips, slices of cheddar cheese, or just sprinkling salt into my mouth (I’ve been using Redmond’s Real Salt, which has trace minerals in it), and sipping really cold water.

As annoying and frustrating as it is, I only have a little over six more months to tough it out. I can handle that. And on the days that it feels overwhelming and discouraging, I just look over at my two precious boys.

I remind myself that I’ve already made it through 18 months of my life with this silly symptom, and the rewards for those months are pretty amazing.

I can’t wait to meet this next one.

Category - Family

4 Things that Helped Me through 2 Unmedicated “Natural” Deliveries

1. Educate & Inform Yourself

2. Your Support Team & Good Nurses are Vital, but God Is Your Biggest Support

3. It’s Only Pain

4. Flexibility Is Key

UPDATE: Want to know how my third labor went? Here’s Isaiah’s birth story – It was a birth story that didn’t quite go according to my plan.

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3 Things I Know About Becoming a Mother

#1. YOU WILL CHANGE FROM HEAD TO TOE, INSIDE AND OUT

#2. YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH

#3. YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO GO BACK

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8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

Here are 8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

#1. Expectant Mother Parking

#2. Special Consideration from Others

#3. Ultrasounds & the Heart Doppler

#4. Feeling the Baby Kick

#5. Comradery with Every Other Mother in the World

#6. Deeper Appreciation for My Mother

#7. Deeper Appreciation for My Husband

#8. A Baby

So, moms, what would you add to the list? What is something you love or loved about being pregnant?

19 Old Wives’ Tales & Myths for Predicting Your Baby’s Gender

19 Old Wives’ Tales & Myths to Predict Gender

RESULTS

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND OLD WIVES’ TALES

EXPECTANT MOMS, WHAT WERE YOUR RESULTS? Have you tried any of these or other old wives’ tales to predict your baby’s gender? What does your ultrasound show (or what did you have)? Let me know, and I can update this article with your totals, too!

YOU MAY ALSO LIKE:

Our Favorite Children’s Book About Pregnancy & Babies

WHAT RESOURCE OR BOOK HAVE YOU USED TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT BABIES?

The Most Annoying Pregnancy Symptom that I’d Never Heard of

MOMS, WHAT WAS YOUR WORST PREGNANCY SYMPTOM?