Author - Kishona

Elijah and the Bully

October 23, 2015

Sometime last month, Elijah got into the car after school and announced,

“I have to tell Daddy that he was wrong!”

Intrigued, I asked Elijah what he meant.

“He told me that bullies probably wouldn’t bother me, but he was wrong.”

That was not the reply I had expected from my kindergartener. I imagine he and Brad had talked about his class and bullies around the time Elijah was starting school (Perhaps Elijah had heard about bullies on TV and was worried?)

“Do you have a bully in your class,” I asked him.

“Uh-huh,” Elijah replied. “She isn’t very nice to people.”

So the bully was a girl. Hmmm.

Through a series of other questions, I learned about one little girl in his class who said mean (for a kindergartener) things to the other kids in the class. Apparently she had also gotten into trouble in class a lot and had even used a few bad words.

When we got to how she had bothered Elijah, he told me, “She came up behind me at recess and said, ‘I don’t like you.’”

At that point, I could have told Elijah how unkind that was or how mean she was, but I didn’t. I didn’t need to give Elijah more reason to feel hurt. Instead I felt it was important for Elijah to look at the situation a little differently.

I think I shocked him a little when I told him, “Well, she doesn’t have to like you. But do you play with her a lot? Does she know you?”

Elijah paused. “No.”

“So, how can she know if she doesn’t like you if she doesn’t know you?”

Since I was driving, I couldn’t see his reaction to this thought, but I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “Yeah!”

Then I talked to him about how oftentimes, people who are unkind to others act that way because they aren’t happy themselves.

When he seemed a little confused, I gave him an example.

“When you are upset or in a bad mood, are you always nice to Josiah? Or do you treat him not very kindly if you’re grumpy?”

“I’m not very nice sometimes,” he admitted.

So he seemed to understand. We talked about how he could be kind to this girl, even if she was being mean, and how he could help his friends if she was mean to them. The last thing we did was pray for her, that she would learn to “be good” (his words) and that Elijah would be able to be nice to her.

When Elijah is older, I don’t know how much he’ll remember about the specifics of this school year. I personally remember several moments from my kindergarten experience while my hubby doesn’t remember any of his. If I tell him about a little girl who said that she didn’t like him, he’ll probably laugh it off, similarly to how my oldest nephew and I laugh at how, when he was three, he thought that calling me a “hunting deer” was a big insult.

However, whether Elijah remembers the incident or not, I’m hopeful that the habit of praying for those who are unkind to you and trying to understand and have compassion for them is something that sticks with him, something that becomes the automatic and the normal.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), and to bless those who curse us, pray for those who mistreat us. (Luke 6:28)

It usually isn’t the thing we want to do, whether we are 5 or 85. It usually isn’t easy. But it’s the right thing, the Godly thing to do.

Because through our obedience, our humility, and our efforts to love and forgive, God can change things, if only our heart for that other person.

Sometimes, though, he also changes the other person.

About a week or two after the initial incident with “the bully,” Elijah got into the car happily and ready to share about his day.

The first thing he told me was that this girl had done really well in class that day, “clipping up to purple,” which means she behaved so well that she was at the top of their classroom’s behavior monitoring chart and had earned a prize for the day.

Elijah said, “I told her that I was proud of her.”

Yes, my mommy heart melted. He was encouraging her to be good and letting her know that he had noticed.

I asked him how she responded to that, and he grinned at me.

“She smiled a little bit.”

I know that this little girl still has times of being mean or misbehaving in class because Elijah keeps me filled in on her progress, but he’s still watching out for her. We pray for her every so often, and his heart is kind toward her. He’s cheering her on, wanting good for her.

Whether or not this girl ever likes Elijah, she’ll definitely know that he cares about her.

This is part of my Write 31 Days series, “Out of the Mouth of Babes: 31 Quotes from My Children.” I’m posting every day in October, so if you’ve missed one and need to catch up, or if you really enjoyed a particular quote, you can find the entire series on my Write 31 Days page.

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DaySpring is celebrating all the amazing Write 31 Days READERS who are supporting the nearly 2,000 writers this month! Enter to win a $500 shopping spree by clicking this link and following the giveaway widget instructions. There will be a link at the end of each day’s post from October 15 through October 30.

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Elijah & the Roller Coaster: A Lesson in Facing Fear

October 22, 2015

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Elijah & the Roller Coaster - A Lesson in Facing Fear. Life in Lape Haven. Our son was both excited and scared to ride his first ever roller coaster, but through it we both learned a lesson in facing fears.

Last updated June 6, 2018

A few springs ago, Elijah began a mission to save money toward a family trip to Kings Island, one of the amusement parks here in Ohio. Two summers in a row, when Elijah was 2 and 3, we had received free tickets from hubby’s work, and it became Elijah’s favorite place in the world (we’ve never been to Disney). However, starting that year, the company outings changed to a different venue, so a trip to any amusement park suddenly became a more expensive venture for us.

Elijah was determined to go that year, though, so we struck a deal with him. In an effort to begin teaching him about making good financial choices and the importance of earning something you want, we promised him that if he could save enough for his ticket, we would go.

Through learning memory verses every week, doing various special chores, choosing to save his change instead of spend it, and designating the majority of his birthday money to savings, Elijah was able to put aside more than enough very quickly.

So our family planned a trip in late July, and Elijah counted down the days.

Part of our planning including visiting the Kings Island website to see what rides in Planet Snoopy, the Peanuts-themed kids’ area, that Elijah would be tall enough for then. I’m not sure who was more excited, him or us, when Brad and I realized that Elijah was able to ride everything in the kids’ area, including my favorite ride in the entire park. Several years ago, I had ridden the family inverted steel roller coaster (now based on Snoopy and the Red Baron) with my nephews, so I knew it was a fun, smooth coaster.

He was also tall enough to bump along on my very first coaster, a wooden contraption once named the Beastie. In keeping with the Peanuts branding, it is now called the Woodstock Express, but it is still as jostling as it ever was.

When the big day arrived, Elijah was both excited and nervous about his first real coaster ride. He decided to start his day slowly, enjoying familiar, tamer rides to build up his courage.

In previous years, he hadn’t been a big fan of even the mildest kiddie coaster, but being two years older, he tackled that one easily. He was ready to face a “real” coaster when it began raining. The downtime gave him a chance to vacillate and worry again while we enjoyed some yummy blue ice cream.

Had it been Josiah, he would have been in the front car of the biggest possible coaster as soon as he could. Elijah, however, has a bit of his mommy’s cautiousness to him, so I knew he would need a little coaxing to face something new and unknown. (I am very familiar with the feeling) We wouldn’t make Elijah ride the coaster, but we did encourage him to try it, even if he were a little nervous. Had he said he really didn’t want to, we would have gone on to something else.

After things dried out, he said he was ready, and Elijah and I found ourselves in line for the steel coaster, his little face betraying his anxiousness even though he was smiling.

He watched the other riders ahead of us, which I’m not sure helped, but the older girls talking about how fun the ride was did seem to give him the extra incentive to get strapped into the chair when our turn came.

I was proud of him. He was going to do it, even though he was a bit afraid.

Then he gripped my hand. And I knew.

He was scared, but he was trusting me. He knew I was right there with him. I had done this before, and now we were going to do this together.

He was okay for the initial “chugga-chugga-chugga” up the hill, but when the cars topped the incline and started to circle down the first hill, his handhold with me became a death-grip.

When he squeaked out, “Mommy!” I could tell he was NOT loving this quite as much as we’d hoped he would.

I squeezed his hand and told him that it was okay. I continued to reassure him through the remaining 60 seconds or so of the ride, and toward the end, he relaxed a tiny bit. However, he never let go of my hand.

Helping him down, I asked him what he thought, and he told me,

“I didn’t like it, but it was fun.”

My poor conflicted little guy. We’ve been working on “doing hard things” this past year, and this was definitely one of them.

Facing a fear is NEVER something we want to do. We don’t like it. It is, after all, scary. Most of the time, when we step outside of what we know, out of our comfort zone, we’re not overly thrilled to be doing so. It’s called a “comfort zone” for a reason – everything beyond those borders is uncomfortable.

However, it’s in the uncomfortable places where we grow, where we learn to be brave, where we learn to trust. And usually the reward for facing our fear is worth it. It might even be fun.

Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - Elijah and the Roller Coaster

On the Woodstock Express – that face!

And we don’t have to face our hard things alone.

As I was describing how Elijah held my hand on the ride, I couldn’t help but see God in my spot and me in Elijah’s.

We all know that life can be a roller coaster, and who better for me to be holding onto than God?

There will be parts that scare me, that jostle me, that make me disoriented even. But I know Who is right there with me. I know that He knows where the ride is going, when it dips and when it rises. I can hear Him reassuring me the whole time.

Even in those seasons when it’s fun and exciting, I still hold tight to His hand because I need Him then, too, to share in the joy and to prepare me for whatever’s coming next.

I asked Elijah tonight what he would say about that ride now.

He told me again, “I didn’t like it. But next time I want to do it again.”

And I’ll be right there with him, holding his hand.

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Elijah and the Dream Job

October 21, 2015

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You know when you’re little, and someone asks you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Most kids give a pretty standard answer, “A policeman,” or “A ballerina,” or “Superman,” and they stop there.

Not my child. And I bet, if you’ve been reading faithfully over these past 20 days or so of the Write 31 Days (or if you just read the title of today’s post), you can guess which one.

Oh, Elijah. My bright, imaginative, curious, optimistic dreamer.

Do you know what HIS standard answer is when he’s asked what he wants to be when he’s older?

“Everything.”

I’m serious.

He tells people that he wants to be “everything.” And this has been his standard answer for the past 2 years, at least.

Of course with that answer, he always expounds a bit, clarifying his “everything,” in case anyone wonders what that means exactly.

He says something like this, “I’m going to be everything. I’m going to be an astronaut, a firefighter, a preacher, a farmer, a zookeeper, and a daddy. I’m going to be everything.”

These are just some of the occupations that he says fairly often, but it is by no means a definitive list. He adds new ideas regularly to his “everything” dream job.

As a mom, I’m both amused and amazed.

He could totally be a lot of those things at once. In fact I know someone who has been a daddy, a preacher, a firefighter, and somewhat of a farmer, all at the same time, so it’s possible.

But to shepherd a heart that dreams so big is kind of intimidating. All I can do is pray that God leads his steps and gives Brad and me wisdom as we raise him. Pray that we lay the foundations solidly for his own relationship with God so he can follow God’s leading closely. Pray that we notice his talents, giftings, and strengths so we encourage them and pinpoint his weaknesses and challenges so we can help him overcome them. Pray that he does his best to reach his full potential and fulfill all the plans that God has for him, even if they differ from Elijah’s own ideas or ours.

Of course, that’s really the same thing I’d be doing if he only had one answer instead of every answer.

Parenting is all about doing your best, learning, and growing while you depend desperately on God for guidance and discernment, trusting that He can still work through all the mistakes you make, and simply trusting that His love for your child is even greater than your love for that child, that His plans for your child are “to give him a hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Trusting can be hard. But God has never failed me, and I’m choosing to trust Him with my boys. After all, He’s the One Who gave them to us and trusted Brad and me with them in the first place. (It reminds me of Hannah with her Samuel in 1 Samuel 1:27 & 28)

So while I work to embrace the overwhelming ambitions of my little visionary, I am also excited at the possibilities.

Sure he most likely won’t be an astronaut AND a zookeeper. But with that kind of expectation, confidence, and determination, it’s kind of fun to imagine what he really could be, to wonder at what God has in store for him.

As much as I want him to be my little boy forever, I’m also excited to see the “everything” he’ll be when he grows up.

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The Boy and the Backpack

October 20, 2015

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Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - The Boy and the Backpack. It was a beautiful shot, but a more beautiful moment to capture the joy of true thankfulness.

Every August our church hosts a backpack giveaway event at the local elementary school, providing new backpacks and school supplies to hundreds of children in the area and giving all the families an afternoon of free fun with a street fair, bounce houses, games, face painting, and food.

This year was the first time my hubby and I were able to take part in the ministry since the past few years we have been out of town or on vacation the weekend of the event.

I was truly anticipating getting to be involved and even more so when I was asked to serve that day as the event photographer. Not only did I take that as a compliment (I am not a professional photographer at all), but that meant that I got to be everywhere throughout the afternoon and really see all that was taking place.

Had I been working a game or swirling the cotton candy onto a stick, it would have been wonderful, too, but I would have missed out on all the little moments of interactions between our church volunteers and the children they served. I might not have seen the adorable little smiles sticky with fresh cotton candy devoured before they had cleared the line. I’d have missed the opportunity to coax a snarl out of one of the little boys who’d gotten his face painted like a wolf. I wouldn’t have been near the backpack distribution tables to see the delight on a little girl’s face when she received the brand-new pink butterfly backpack that she wanted.

I also wouldn’t have been beside those same tables to witness one of the most genuine displays of gratitude of the day from a young boy whom I hope to always remember.

To receive their backpacks, families started out by visiting the registration table, and then they made their way around the school to come in through the playground gates to the distribution tables. There the children had their pick of at least a dozen patterns and styles of backpacks. Once they had their bags, they are invited to enjoy the festivities and food with their families until the event was over.

That sounds simple enough until you consider that we gave away over 1,000 bags this year, which means hundreds of families waiting in line to register and pick out a bag. The line was wrapped around the block before the event even opened.

It was also in the afternoon, in August, which meant it was hot, very hot. Even with the snow cones, water bottles, and sprinkler systems set up, it was a long, hot wait in a very long line for these families, not because our people were inefficient – the organization was actually rather impressive- but because there were so many with a need.

So as I watched the children swarm the distribution tables once the event started, I felt honored to be a part of helping meet that need.

That’s when I noticed the boy in the bright green shirt. He was being very kind and patient as he waited for the type of bag he’d picked out. Looking through my lens, I was ready to capture the moment one of the volunteers handed it to him. Instead I was able to grab a different moment.

Glancing around him, he noticed other children opening their backpacks and checking out what pencils and other school supplies were inside them.

And he got excited, seriously excited.

He said, “There is stuff in it?!?”

When one of the workers confirmed that, yes, each bag comes with supplies, he exuberantly and genuinely said, “Oh, wow! Awesome! Thank you!”

And I caught THAT smile.

Honestly, I wish I’d had a video camera instead of just my regular camera at the time.

To think that he had waited in that tremendously long line on an extremely hot day without complaining, in the hopes of getting an empty, though new, backpack. That would have been an amazing enough gift for him.

He was so authentically grateful to receive more than he had expected, something that most of us would take for granted. Some pencils and paper, a box of tissues. He valued it and appreciated it, and he left a mark on my heart.

I know it is often said, in some way or another, that when you teach, you learn, or when you minister, you get ministered to.

I was doing one of the easiest, most fun jobs of the day (I even got in the bounce house for the sake of some cool pictures). It was truly a privilege to be a part of this wonderful ministry and serve with all the generous, hard-working, loving people who helped make it happen. That ministered to me, and it would have been enough of a gift for me.

But God, who always gives more than we expect, said, “Here you go. A beautiful shot, a more beautiful moment. Capture the joy of true thankfulness and remember it.”

Elijah and the Clean Water

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Josiah and Colossians

October 19, 2015

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Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - Josiah and Colossians. In teaching my children Bible verses, they reminded me that I also need to be remembering what God's Word says.

Over the summer, I began giving Elijah some Bible verses to memorize. I tried to have a new one picked out for him every Monday morning, and then we would go over it throughout the week. If he could say it by himself without help on Sunday, then he earned a dollar toward his King’s Island fund.

It only took the first couple of days of going over the first verse for me to realize that Josiah was not going to be left out of this. He wanted his turn to repeat the words after Mommy. That was fine with me. Whether he could really remember them or completely understand them, he would be learning God’s Word. I searched for the most kid-friendly translations, and we always talked about the verses as we learned them.

Elijah memorized them easily and eagerly, but Josiah’s determination to learn them really surprised and delighted me.

Some of the verses we studied were John 3:16 (of course), Proverbs 1:7, Philippians 2:14 & 4:13, Luke 6:31, and Colossians 3:20 & 3:23.

One day during breakfast, as we were going over our verse for that week, which was Colossians 3:20, I recorded Josiah working on his verse. Here it is:

For just over 2, he was doing a really great job, but did you hear what he said at the end?

“Now yours turn.”

Hmmm.

Most people probably equate Memory Verses with Sunday school or Children’s Church, and thus, children. However, we are reminded continually throughout scripture of the importance of knowing God’s Word, of having it before us, around us, and in us. (Deuteronomy 6:6-9, for example).

Josiah’s words challenged me. I was teaching scriptures to them and remembering those verses as I taught them, but when was the last time I had purposely set out to memorize God’s Word for myself?

Having been in church all my life and having attended a Christian school from 6th grade through 9^th grade, I’ve had plenty of Memory Verses, whole chapters of Psalms, and even the Lord’s Prayer in Spanish (Thank you, Mrs. Bolds). Then, of course, teaching children for several years means that I’ve helped them learn many of the same verses I learned.

So, I know some scripture. But I definitely don’t know it all.

Now I understand that some people just aren’t good at memorizing. Some people can remember the words, but not always the reference (I’m there often).

However, having even a basic familiarity with what God has said makes it so much easier to find those Words when you need direction, encouragement, or even correction.

I don’t think God is looking so much for us to be able to perfectly recite the entire Bible, but He wants us to WANT to know it. To NEED to know it.

If we are serious to know His Word and do our best to study it, then He’ll help us recall what we need to when we need it.

Sometimes we just need a little reminder of all we need to remember.

“Your word I have hidden in my heart that I might not sin against You.” – Psalm 119:11

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Elijah and His Wife

October 18, 2015

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Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - Elijah and His Wife. Praying for your spouse before you even have one.

As a little girl, I remember my dad telling stories about how, as a young teenaged Christian, he had begun praying for God to bring him the right wife. Knowing that the answer to those prayers had been my mom and seeing how God had used their marriage to bless them and those around them, I was inspired in my childhood to begin praying for my future husband.

I had to pray a little longer than my dad did, though, because while my parents got married the summer after Mom graduated high school, it wasn’t until I was 26 that I even met the man who would be my hubby.

However, no matter how long we had to pray, praying for and following God’s leading to our spouse and continuing to pray for them and follow His leading throughout marriage has been crucial to the success of our unions. My parents have been married for 40 years, and Brad and I have been married for over 7 years.

A couple of years ago, when Elijah was only 3, he and I had a conversation that encouraged me to hope that our family’s legacy of trusting God to direct us to our spouse would continue into the next generation.

One night Elijah was talking about how he was getting bigger “like Daddy,” and he said, “I wonder who my wife will be when I’m bigger?”

Before I had a chance to reply, he continued, “Hmmm…I’ll have to ask Jesus about that.”

My extremely pleased and impressed answer was, “Yes. That’s a great idea.”

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

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Author - Kishona

Elijah and the Bully

Elijah & the Roller Coaster: A Lesson in Facing Fear

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