Category - Faith

The Year Mother’s Day Changed for Me

May 5, 2016

It was Mother’s Day Sunday in 2010, and I was about 4 weeks from Elijah’s due date (although he would be born in just 3 weeks). My little guy was doing ninja kicks and flips in my belly throughout the service at church, making it hard to concentrate on much besides him.

Then came the moment they acknowledged mothers throughout the congregation, and the usher passed out a small gift to each mommy present.

When I was bypassed, one of the older moms reminded him, “You forgot Kishona.”

His reply, “Well, she’s not really a mother yet.”

I was a little surprised, a little embarrassed, and yes, a little hurt. My child was right there, with me, pressing on my ribs as I glanced at my husband, unsure of what to say. I didn’t really care about the little trinket, but to be told that I didn’t qualify as a mother when I very much so felt like one already…

I didn’t have to say anything, though, because the other mothers around me immediately came to my defense. They understood that being a mother doesn’t just start when the baby is placed in your arms.

For me, in my heart, I was a mother the moment I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy test. That was the moment everything I did became about that little one I was carrying – how I ate, what I did, even forcing myself to rest.

For eight months, I had put up with nausea, horrible dysgeusia (constant disgusting taste in my mouth), heartburn, restless nights, and more recently, random people wanting to touch my belly. I had prayed over this baby, sung to him, and talked to him all the time. He responded to my voice and touch. I already knew a bit of his personality and could tell he was going to be a stubborn one just by how he reacted with kicks whenever I would roll over to my left side at night.

So, to be told that I wasn’t “really” a mom yet was kind of upsetting.

I totally understood that I had not had all of the “mom” experiences yet, but you’re not a mom based on your experiences or how old your children are or how many you have. All that might make you a more prepared or wiser mom, but being a mother is based on the love you have for your child.

Sadly, I was not the only mama overlooked that day. And while I was defended by the older moms, this mama was not.

Because she didn’t have a pregnant belly or a toddler in the nursery or a child by her side. Few knew that she had miscarried a little boy the year before. She and her husband were newer in the church, and even so, some women never share that deeply personal and heartbreaking struggle and grief.

I didn’t realize it until after service when I overheard her husband comforting her.

And my heart broke.

Suddenly, I saw Mother’s Day as I hadn’t ever before. Not just as a joyful celebration of my wonderful mother and grandmothers and all my hopes of being a good mom, too, but as potentially the most difficult day of the year for those unacknowledged mothers and those longing to be mommies, quietly hurting in the background.

It made the day more precious to me because it was suddenly tinged with bittersweetness. When you have something so beautiful and cherished, you want that for everyone.

Now every Mother’s Day, as I celebrate with my husband, our families, and our little boys, I can’t help but think about and pray for those women who are grieving through infertility, miscarriages, and loss, acknowledging them and defending their place in the ranks of motherhood.

As moms and even those praying to be a mom, the hopes and love we have for our children bond us in a unique way and give us a unique opportunity to support and encourage each other in our mothering journey. We may not have the same experiences and struggles, and it might seem unfairly easy or difficult for some compared to others. However, who better to come alongside us than another woman who shares our central desire of being the mothers God wants us to be.

This Sunday, pray for mothers – all of them: the exhausted moms, the new moms who feel overwhelmed, the moms grieving the children they’ve never held or will never hold again, the moms missing their own mothers, the expectant moms, the single moms, the moms-still-waiting-to-be, and even the moms enjoying the day with their families. They all need your prayers, encouragement, and acknowledgement.

Happy Mother’s Day.

“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.” – Ricki Lake

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Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid: #6 – Not Being Like “The World” Doesn’t Mean You Have to Hide From It

April 25, 2016

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Confessions of a Preacher's Kid: Not Being "Like the World" Doesn't Mean You Have to Hide From It - While we don't want our kids to look and be like the world around them, but rather set apart for God, we also want them to be prepared to face the world and not just hide from it so that they can reach it with God's love.

In wrapping up my series of “Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid,” I’m looking ahead through the wisdom I’ve gained growing up in church and in a ministry family and thinking about how I want to apply those experiences in laying a solid foundation of faith for my children and encouraging their personal relationships with Jesus.

(If you’ve missed my first five confessions, you can catch up: Confession #1, Confession #2, Confession #3, Confession #4, & Confession #5.)

Of everything I’ve seen in the churches and Christianity, I think one of the hardest balances for a parent to find is guiding their children in being “in the world, but not of it.” In the wicked, evil time that we live, it’s easy to want to hide our children away from everything, but there will come a day when our children will have to face it all, and they will need to decide and know without a doubt in Whom THEY have believed.

Today’s Confession: Not Being Like “The World” Doesn’t Mean You Have to Hide From It

In Georgia, we lived on a beautiful little acre in the country that had all kinds of flowers and trees. Every spring, I could sit on the porch swing and enjoy the azaleas, jasmine, gardenias, and honeysuckle perfuming the air. However, my favorite flowers were the wild yellow roses that grew along the fence line of our driveway.

Year later, I remember using those roses as an example of what I wanted to be. In a conversation with my friend, I compared store-bought, cultivated roses, or “hothouse roses,” with wild roses. They are so different when you look at them. One is grown in a very protected environment, with temperature control, the right plant food, plenty of water, and very little adversity. Then you have a flower that just blooms out in the middle of everything – weather, pests, lawn mowers- and yet it blossoms despite it all. While the cultivated rose may look beautiful and more perfect, it will NEVER match a wild rose for fragrance.

Our children can either be sheltered, bland hothouse roses that smell like basically every other flower in the shop, or they can be strong, thriving FRAGRANT wild roses who can truly impact the world around them.

Now don’t misunderstand my analogy. I’m not saying that we don’t watch out for our children or that we just throw them out into the world and hope they flourish.

What I see in a wild rose is a balance of being set apart while not being totally protected from the weeds, bugs, and storms.

I’ve seen two extremes in Christian parents’ views of raising their children. Some go entirely for “in the world,” allowing their children to be and look like “the world” and never guiding them in being “set apart.” They don’t make God and church a real priority for their family, they permit whatever music or movies or friends their kids want, and they don’t set a standard of holiness for their family. Then they wonder why their children don’t have a strong relationship with God and can’t stand against temptation. (I would say that this flower never blossoms or bears fruit.)

The other extreme are those who avoid everything not “Christian” and focus only on being “not of the world,” controlling everything their children are, or might be, or someday will be, exposed to that isn’t Godly. They obsess over media, don’t have any friends who are nonbelievers, and live by a lot of rules. They generally end up with children who either strongly rebel or kids who live in fear of or constant judgment of those “in the world.” (This would be your greenhouse-raised roses. They usually don’t flourish outside of their original environment.)

Growing up, I knew way more children who were in the second group, very sheltered, than I did those whose parents let them behave just like someone who wasn’t a Christian. I knew Christian kids who couldn’t watch more than a few hours a week of television or movies, kids who weren’t allowed to participate in any parties at school, kids who couldn’t watch Disney…ever, kids who couldn’t listen to any non-Christian music (not even oldies), kids who couldn’t go to the mall, even kids who couldn’t pick their own hairstyles until they were teens.

Should we monitor what our children watch, listen to, read, whom they play with, what they are doing online, and what they are learning in school?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes! Absolutely.

We don’t need to expose our little ones to things that aren’t age-appropriate or discuss topics with them that they aren’t mature enough to handle. We use wisdom.

We are accountable to God for what we allow into our children’s lives and for the example we set for them. We are definitely called to be different from the world and stand out. (1 Peter 2:9)

But some of those kids stood out for reasons that had nothing to do with Jesus. They tended to be socially awkward, a little immature, and they couldn’t even relate well to other kids in the church.

We can’t hide everything from our children for the first 18 years of their lives, and then expect them to be prepared to face a sinful, perverse, fallen world in a Godly way when they are on their own.

Because someday, every child who has been “raised in church” or brought up in a Christian home will face what I call “the jumping off point.”

Someday your child will look at everything you’ve taught them, everything they’ve heard about God, every miracle they’ve witnessed, every prayer that they know has been answered, every rule they’ve been given, every verse they’ve ever read, and they will have to decide, on their own, for themselves, if it’s real. If THEY believe it. If THEY trust Him. If THEY are going to build the foundation of their life on Jesus.

It can happen even after they’ve already given Him their heart. Even after they’ve already said a prayer. Even after they’ve already been used to minister to their friends.

They may face doubts or questions, but that’s okay. God can handle it. He’s a big God. And He knows that they HAVE to make the jump from “what I’ve always been taught” to “what I BELIEVE with all that I am” if they are truly going to serve Him with their life.

The ones that I’ve seen have the hardest time navigating that jump are those who have either been allowed to be “too in the world” or hidden away to be “too not of it.”

Growing up, I watched TV and movies, and I played with neighbor kids who weren’t from Christian homes. We had rules, though. I remember we weren’t allowed to watch “The Simpsons,” but I didn’t really have a desire to. We watched “The Wizard of Oz” (I knew the difference between a fairy tale witch and real witchcraft) and Disney movies, even “The Little Mermaid” (When I was in 5^th grade, I wasn’t looking for the bad stuff that was supposedly “hidden” in the movie. Ariel just had awesome underwater hair.)

I attended public school for most of my K-12 education (very thankful for the Christian school education I received from 6^th-9^th grade, though). I heard about evolution, but I knew what I believed because I’d been reading my Bible. In high school, I went through Sex Ed (ugh), but I’d already had conversations with my mom and the example of my parents’ Godly marriage to balance the “everybody is going to do it” assumption of the curriculum. I sat next to drug addicts and trouble makers in homeroom, but they came to me with prayer requests and genuine questions about God because I wasn’t hiding who I was or Him Whom I believed.

I remember asking God how I could relate to the people around me, since I hadn’t been through some of the rough things they had and I hadn’t done any of the “bad things” they had. How could I reach them?

And He reminded me of Someone else who had been among them but not like them, and He changed the entire world.

I didn’t have to become like them to relate to them.

And even though I was NOT like the world, I didn’t have to hide from it. I could reach it.

That’s what I want for my children: To be fragrant wild roses that flourish, set apart, but attracting those around them with the essence of the God in Whom they believe.

John 17:14-18 ^“I have given them Your word; and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth. As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world.”

Let Me Be Singing: This Mother’s Anthem for Good & Bad Days

April 21, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: Let Me Be Singing: This Mother's Anthem for Good and Bad Days. As parents we have great days and rough days, but we never have to face them alone. We can rely on God's strength and find our joy in Him . This popular Christian worship song by Matt Redman has become my anthem and heart-cry, especially for those rough days. I want to be singing when the evening comes.

When I was in the thick of adjusting from being mommy of just one child to mommy of two children, there were some rough days. Not only was Josiah doing his newborn best to get us up as much as possible every night, but Elijah was showing his three-ness with a vengeance.

On those days, I struggled with holding onto the joy of being a mother, and it felt as though all that was left was the chaos. I would feel guilty and inadequate and overwhelmed. It wasn’t how I wanted to feel. I wanted to be able to find the good, like Pollyanna, and choose to be joyful, even when I was tired.

Around this time, I remember one Sunday when we were singing Matt Redman’s “10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord),” and it was as though the song was written as my own personal anthem, especially the first verse.

“The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.”

Every morning I would rise with great intentions to have a better day than the one before, to face “whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me” with a determination to still “be singing when the evening comes.” I didn’t want to end every day defeated and beat down. But when your alarm clock is a baby crying or a toddler’s whining, you can feel drained before you even get out of bed.

But, lo and behold! The answer is in the chorus of the same song:

“Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before, O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name”

It was a reminder that, yes, we can choose to bless the Lord in everything. We can encourage ourselves in the Lord like David did (1 Samuel 30:6). We don’t have to let the frustrations overwhelm us. We can look to Him.

I think I get most overwhelmed and frustrated when I feel as though I have to do it all, and do it all myself. I’m the mom. When it’s just my boys and me at home, I’m the lone adult – I fix the food, I change the diapers, I soothe the crankies, I clean the messes, I enforce the rules. Sometimes those things are not easy or joyful.

Plus, I know that no matter how awesome of a super mom I am, I am not enough on my own. Moms, Dads – we’re not enough, despite what some cutesy, well-intentioned memes or inspirational quotes tell us. On my own, alone, I will never be enough for my children. I can’t be.

And yet, WITH God…well, all things are possible.

I don’t HAVE to do it all on my own or alone.

If the first verse is the cry of my heart, and the chorus is the reminder of “from whence cometh my help,” then the second verse is the reassurance that God has me (and my children) in His hands, and that’s a beautiful place to be.

“You’re rich in love, and You’re slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find”

Since God has given me my children, He has equipped me to parent them, and when I rely on Him, then His joy can be my strength on the good days and the rough ones. He loves us all richly, and He is patient and kind. He’s forgiving when I make mistakes in parenting my boys, and He’s there to guide me and help me do it right. He gives me wisdom when I have no idea what I’m doing, and He helps me see the humor in so many of their innocent, but disastrous messes.

It’s not just looking for the good, but looking to His goodness, that will have me still “singing when the evening comes.”

Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid: #5 – How I’ve Maintained a Strong Faith

April 18, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: Confessions of a Preacher's Kid: #5 - How I've Maintained a Strong Faith. As a preacher's kid, I've been encouraged, challenged, and strengthened by a lot of things, but there are three things that have been vital to maintaining my relationship with God.

Since I grew up “in church” and as a pastor’s kid, I’ve been to Sunday morning, Sunday night, and midweek services; heard countless testimonies of God’s grace, provision, and healing power; attended prayer meetings, lock-ins, revival services, youth events, and Christian concerts; been baptized, prayed for, and given prophetic words; heard now-famous preachers speak in our churches; attended Christian school for 4 years; listened to Christian music; and been on a mission trip.

I’ve pretty much had all the typical Christian experiences that should be life-changing and encouraging for me in my Christian walk, and yet those experiences are not what kept my faith in God strong and thriving. As I look back over 32 years of following Jesus, there are three things that stand out as the crucial, critical components in consistently growing my relationship with God, and they are all so closely connected that it’s difficult to separate them.

TODAY’S CONFESSION: How I’ve Maintained a Strong Faith

While I’ve been encouraged, challenged, and strengthened in many ways in my faith and during my walk with God, the most important things are rather simple – spending time with God and reading the Bible regularly, learning how to worship daily, and stepping out to serve and minister to others.

SPENDING TIME WITH GOD

We know that as Christians, we should be praying and reading the Bible daily. Sometimes we devour the scriptures and other times we struggle to understand (or even stay awake). There are days when it’s easy to pour out our hearts to God, and days when words are difficult. Still, it’s important!

Knowing God’s Word is how you renew your mind, strengthen your spirit, understand how God calls us to live, and really get to know Who God is and His heart toward you. Praying is our conversation with Him. Without an ongoing dialogue, how can we really say we have a “relationship with God”?

When I was young, I began spending time with God at bedtime, and that’s still my style – praying, reading, and even journaling. Of course, it’s a lot easier to have time alone to spend with God when you’re a child, teenager, or young adult. Once you’re married, and especially when you have children, you can plan, but sometimes it’s hard to guarantee quiet time at the same time every day. Try to get up early, and the kids will be right there with you, even if they usually sleep later. Dare to stay up a bit later, and good luck! ZZzzzz. Haha.

However, just like you work to make time for your spouse because you recognize its importance, spending time with God has to be a priority. When it is, you will find the time, even if it’s different every single day – I’ve prayed while vacuuming or folding clothes or in the car, read my Bible while rocking Josiah at naptime, listened to sermons while making dinner, etc.

Do I ever miss a day reading my Bible? Yes. Sometimes. Do I have major intercession every day? No. Sometimes it’s just a few sentences here and there throughout the day.

However, doing my best to be diligent in seeking God and making Him a continuous part of my day helps to keep my relationship with God strong.

LEARNING TO WORSHIP

I can’t read the Bible without increasing my awareness of God’s greatness, and I can’t pray without thanking God for His goodness. Spending time in God’s Word and in talking with Him inevitably leads me to worshipping Him, being in awe of all He is and all He’s done.

And while a person standing in utter silence can be worshipping the Lord more genuinely than a person singing the most dramatic and moving lyrics, I was made with music inside me for a reason.

For me, I was born with a desire to sing and dance. According to my parents I was wiggling off the couch to the Peanuts theme, “Linus & Lucy,” before I could even walk. I made up songs and dances for everything, probably every day. I wanted to take dance lessons, but we couldn’t afford it when I was growing up. I loved old movie musicals, and at one point, I even wanted to be a choreographer when I grew up (which is hard when you’ve not actually taken dance).

However, I learned early on the difference between just enjoying singing and dancing or singing along with songs on Sunday morning or on the radio in the car and truly worshipping God.

Worshipping God is more than singing, clapping, lifting your hands, or dancing, although generally those are part of how you express it. Sometimes His awesomeness is so overwhelming you that you can’t move or speak. Other times, you can’t help but let your love for God come out of your mouth and go deeper into your heart as you try to express how wonderful He is with every part of you.

I remember the very first time I raised my hands in worship to God. It was something I’d grown up seeing and understanding, but it still took me by surprise. I was about 7 or 8, sitting in the front row of the church my dad was pastoring, and singing along with the praise and worship music during the regular service in the sanctuary. No one requested for us to lift our hands, but as I sang, I just felt God’s nudge to be brave and worship Him more. I wasn’t trying to be like the adults. I was being obedient, and I immediately sensed God’s presence in a brand new way.

I later had the opportunity in about fifth or sixth grade to be a part of our church’s interpretive dance team and for me that opened up an ever deeper level of worshipping. That natural dancing desire in me was given a chance to be used by Him in a beautiful way, and I could imagine myself in front of God’s throne, worshipping Him with everything in me. I might not have been trained, but my heart was all His.

And I have that heart to this day, every day, not just on Sundays in a congregational setting with a band, a choir, and lights. I turn on praise and worship music when I’m doing dishes and cleaning house, singing and dancing around my home. I’ve sung worship to God as I sing my boys to sleep or in the shower. Just like praying and reading the Bible, and because it can flow from that, worshipping is peppered throughout my days.

ACTIVATED FAITH

Reading, praying, and worshipping point me over and over again to how wonderful Jesus is, and the natural outcome of this is that I share Him with those around me, sometimes without even trying to.

One of the biggest memories I have of third grade is when a girl in my class stopped me in the bathroom one day and asked me how she could follow Jesus. Suddenly, there I was, about 8-years-old, praying with one of my classmates to give her heart to God. I honestly don’t remember “preaching” to the kids in my class. I don’t think I did. Watching how Elijah is now with his growing faith, I’m pretty sure I was similar. It just comes out of the relationship you have with Him.

I’ve have found that nothing grows your faith like sharing it. Being physically active strengthens your body, and ministering to others stretches and strengthens you spiritually. Just like your body, you can only take in so much before you become unhealthy from inactivity.

As I grew up, I was blessed to be a part of churches that encouraged us as children to find and develop our gifts and talents. Not only did I have a chance to participate in ministering as part of the dance team, but I was active in drama, puppets, and singing during our children’s church services nearly every week. Once I got to junior high, I worked in the nursery, continued in dance and drama, and had my first opportunity to be a part of outreach into the community, helping with a Saturday afternoon ministry for children.

In high school, that seed of ministry flourished under a youth pastor who challenged and guided us. When our church began a Saturday morning Sidewalk Sunday school ministry, everything I’d been trained in, every talent that God had given me, came into play in an amazing, life-altering way. My heart for children, my singing-dancing-dramatic self, even my teaching ability found a perfect fit in that kind of ministry.

In my experience, one of the worst things for “church kids” and “church adults” is when they fail to truly activate their faith, when they never share what they’ve been receiving all their lives.

One of my friends in youth group said something during one of our youth meetings once that I will always remember. In a challenge to us as she shared one night, she said, “You have the Bread of Life living inside of you. Are you going to let it get stale and moldy, or are you going to use it to feed the hungry?”

She knew that we, her fellow youth members, were experiencing God’s presence regularly and studying His Word. She knew that we often had amazing worship services in that too-small youth room, times when God spoke to us and ministered mightily to our hearts.

But if we did nothing with that, we were wasting it, letting God’s goodness go stale in our lives.

The cool thing about ministering to others, though, is that when you give out what God has given to you, it forces you to go back and get more from Him so that you have more to give out, again and again.

Spending time with God compels you to share Him, and sharing Him compels you to spend more time with Him.

It’s a cycle that keeps your faith flourishing and growing in Him.

———-

For more of my confessions of a preacher’s kid, you can read my earlier confessions:

#1 – Being Raised in Church Isn’t Enough

#2 – My Parents Never Expected Us to “Perfect Preacher’s Kids”

#3 – I Don’t Talk About God All the Time

#4 – True Ministry Isn’t Easy or Glamorous

Confessions of a Preacher’s Kid: #4 – True Ministry Isn’t Easy or Glamorous

April 11, 2016

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Confessions of a Preacher's Kid: #4 - True ministry isn't easy or glamorous. Having grown up as a pastor's kid, I saw what it meant to really minister and pastor. It isn't an easy or glamorous path, but it's a rewarding one.

Recently I’ve been giving you a behind-the-scenes peek at what growing up as a preacher’s kid was like and how that has shaped me, my faith, and my parenting. If you’ve missed my first three confessions, you can catch up easily (Confession #1, Confession #2, Confession #3).

TODAY’S CONFESSION:

True Ministry ISN’T Easy or Glamorous

Growing up in a pastor’s family, I understood from an early age that ministry – true ministry – wasn’t an easy or glamorous path.

Sure, there were the infamous televangelists with glittering sets, personal planes, and hair that was way too big, who made it seem as though being a preacher was kind of like being a celebrity. But that idea is as false as Tammy Faye’s eyelashes. 😉

Watching my parents’ lives, I knew the truth.

Shepherding a flock, leading God’s people, and following His call isn’t easy. In fact, when my dad first felt called to ministry as a young man, an experienced man of God told him, “If you can do anything else, do that.”

Because he knew that ministry and pastoring aren’t for the faint of heart. They’re for those with a servant’s heart.

My parents have served wherever God has led them because they couldn’t “do anything else.”

When I was first born, that meant living in a small apartment in Alabama where the only furniture initially was my baby bed and a cot for my older brother. Later, God’s path took us to Florida, Ohio, West Virginia, and Georgia, and no matter what “position” of leadership my parents ministered from, it was never about them.

God, need me to lead junior high kids? Really?!? Okay.

Need me to play piano as the back-up? Here I am.

Need me to lead praise & worship? Alright.

Need us to reach out to this hurting couple and counsel them? Our home is open.

Need us to start a church over there? We’ll go.

Need us to minister to children and families in THAT part of town? We can love them!

Need us to forgive and keep giving when we’ve been hurt? It’s hard, but our focus is YOU. (Help us.)

Being in ministry, leading, especially pastoring, means putting yourself to the side, “not my will, but Yours be done.”

It means calls on the phone or knocks at your door at all hours of the day from a person or family in crisis or hours in the hospital with the sick or dying. It’s conducting funerals and visiting prisoners. It means being a part of the church but still being slightly set apart (similar to parenting – you can’t always aim for “best friend” when you need to be the leader). It’s being the “watchman on the tower,” speaking the hard truths that some never want to hear. It’s dealing with petty squabbles or huge divisions in a congregation. It means pouring, and pouring, and pouring into someone only to have them turn their back on God and you. It’s protecting your sheep from the wolves and doing spiritual warfare on their behalf. It’s loving people deeply, no matter what.

It’s hours on your knees, in His presence, seeking His face, praying for direction and leading because your responsibility is not just a big one, it’s an eternal one.

But it’s not a responsibility without joys and rewards. God is kind of good like that. 🙂

Allowing God to use you in ministry means seeing a person’s life changed and made new when they put their trust in Jesus. It’s baptizing new believers, counseling engaged couples, officiating weddings, and dedicating babies. It’s seeing God move through His people as they grow in Him. It’s feeling like a proud parent when the congregation begins to serve and minister, too, and as a body you reach your community with Jesus’s love. It’s being surrounded by the Holy Spirit’s comfort and guidance, knowing you can rely on God to never fail you, to give you the right words and actions just when you need them, and to supply every need you may have. It’s trusting His strength in your weakness.

It’s feeling humbled and amazed that God would choose to work through you.

And while some might think that these lists apply mostly to my dad since he was the “pastor,” there is no separating my parents in this (or other pastor and wife teams that I’ve known). They are one, and God has used them as such. (My dad learned early on not to discount how God could use my mother). I promise you, from personal experience, they minister most powerfully and effectively when they are side-by-side. It’s kind of a beautiful thing to witness.

I’m glad I’ve had that unique opportunity all of my life. You know, being the preacher’s kid and all. 🙂

My family when I was about 5. Don’t we look all 80s glamorous?

I’d like to challenge you, my readers, in two things based on not only my experiences as a PK but also my own experiences in ministry, both by myself and with my husband.

Number 1: PRAY for your pastor and leaders. LOVE them. They aren’t perfect, but trust me, they love you and pray for you.

Number 2: Don’t expect them to be the only “ministers” in your church. God has given you talents, abilities, experiences with Him, and a purpose in Him. You have a part in sharing Jesus with the world. You make contact with people every day that your pastor may never meet. Get to “going” per the Great Commission – speak with your neighbors, reach out in your community, volunteer in the nursery or children’s ministry, mentor and disciple a teen, encourage your fellow church members, go on a mission trip, give, pray, love.

Even though ministry (even in the smallest stages) has its potential sacrifices, problems, and hurts, the joys, rewards, and satisfaction of knowing you’ve been obedient to God’s call on YOUR life far, far outweigh them.

“And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.”~ Mark 9:35

“He said to him the third time, ‘Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?’ Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, ‘Do you love Me?’ And he said to Him, ‘Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Feed My sheep.’” ~ John 21:17

“And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ, till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting, but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ— from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” ~ Ephesians 4:11-16

The Reluctant Duchess – Interview with Roseanna White & GIVEAWAY

April 7, 2016

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This post contains affiliate links, which means that, at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission if you make a purchase through the link.

Last September I had the honor of interviewing one of my favorite Christian fiction writers, Roseanna M. White, when she released The Lost Heiress, the first book in her new Edwardian-era “Ladies of the Manor” series.

This week marks the launch of her second book in the series, The Reluctant Duchess, and Roseanna is here again to share a little bit about the intrigue, romance, and inspiration that await readers in the story of Highland heiress, Lady Rowena, and Brice Myerston, the flirtatious English Duke who comes to her rescue.

*Note: I received an advanced reader copy from Roseanna and Bethany House Publishers in exchange for my honest opinion. My endorsement of the book is based solely on how much I thoroughly enjoyed it. 🙂

So, Roseanna, according to your “Author’s Note” in the book, the story for the The Reluctant Duchess, like The Lost Heiress, was imagined by a young Roseanna several years ago. How much of your eighth-grade idea survived the rewrites and edits?

Um . . . Brice’s name, LOL. I think that is seriously about it. And the fact that Rowena (who used to be named Augusta and went by Gusty—which no one but me liked, so alas!) was abused by her father. I knew nothing about what an abused young lady might feel when I started this story at age 13, so it’s no surprise I didn’t finish this one back then. It bears more of a resemblance to the version I actually finished when I was twenty-five, though a lot has changed since then too. And I’m so glad—Rowena needed to go through quite a few drafts to hit the right balance of broken-but-not-too-bitter.

In The Lost Heiress, we traveled from Monaco to England. This time, with The Reluctant Duchess, we’re off to the Highlands. What inspired you to bring your heroine from Scotland?

Well, I have some Scottish blood, so I’ve always been intrigued by things Scottish. But honestly, it’s because in that aforementioned draft, Brice had a subsidiary title of Inverness (the region where Loch Ness is), so I sent him up there, and that’s where she lived. Then I really liked the flavor that brought, so even though Brice now has ties to Scotland only through his mother’s family, it was something I wanted to explore.

After researching all these far-off destinations, which one is at the top of your list should you ever get to visit?

We’re actually planning a trip to England this fall. 🙂 Hoping to visit Cornwall (setting of the first book in my next series), perhaps drive into Wales—perhaps, perhaps up to Yorkshire, and also take the train to Paris for a night. (That sound you hear is my Paris-obsessed 10-year-old daughter squealing and jumping up and down at the thought of seeing the Eiffel Tower. And my son going, “A train! Cool!”) 😉

Being from the Highlands, Rowena and her family have such fun accents and phrases to read. How challenging was it to write in both English and Scottish accents for your characters?

The English accent hasn’t been too bad. I’ve always loved British TV, so I hear that a lot. But to get the Scottish in my ear, everyone recommended I read Outlander. So I did, and that certainly helped me figure out how to spell things, LOL. I also watched YouTube videos of people in the Highlands and took notes about the phrases they favored and the cadence and syntax they used. And of course, I had websites bookmarked with Scots phrases and their meanings.

Also, while you were in the thick of penning this story, did you find yourself using phrases around the house, such as telling your children, “Dinna fash yourself”? 🙂 (I TOTALLY would!)

Well DUH—of course I did! LOL. I still use “canna” a lot. And will occasionally tell one of my kids that they look “all peely-wally.” Just to see their response. Of course, they’ve lived with me all their lives, so they just roll their eyes and continue on their merry way. (My son, when he was about four, once responded to my typical speech by saying, “Only pirates say ‘blast,’ Mommy.” Pirates and historical writers…)

Rowena faces some pretty difficult challenges from the beginning, some not-so-light-hearted situations that few authors want to put their heroines through. Why did you feel compelled to start Rowena’s journey from there?

Because…that’s who Rowena is. I know this is hard to explain to those who don’t live in worlds of fiction inside their own heads, or perhaps even to writers of plot-driven stories. But mine are all about the characters to me. And Rowena…Rowena is lacework. She’s a collection of holes and knots that she doesn’t realize is beautiful until she can see her life all stretched out before and behind her by the end of the book. It was quite a challenge to write her, but I wanted to explore the internal healing she required—and how God uses all the empty places.

We have to talk about Brice Myerston, the charming Duke of Nottingham, the (nearly) perfect hero in the book. He’s kind of a big deal. 🙂 I’m pretty certain he got his own fan club after the release of The Lost Heiress, and he may be one of my favorite heroes that I’ve read in quite a while. What (or who) was your inspiration for his character, and what were your goals for his growth throughout the book?

I didn’t have a specific inspiration for him, actually. I just wanted him to be so charming that Rowena would be immediately wary, LOL, and yet an actual Godly man—because she needed someone gentle, peace-seeking, and yet strong. She needed someone who would listen to God’s leading in his relationship with her.

But yes, I confess that my other big goal was to make him so well-loved in The Lost Heiress that readers HAD to get his story in book 2, LOL. All too often second books in a series are all but forgotten, and I didn’t want that to be the case here. 😉

I think one of my favorite traits in Brice is his sensitivity to the Holy Spirit’s leading, even when he might not want to obey. (Guys, take note. A man who follows God closely increases his “swoon factor” exponentially.) What do you want your readers to take away from this aspect of his character?

LOL on the swoon factor. 🙂 What I really want readers to take away is that that close relationship is something anyone can have, if they pursue God that fully. God may not speak to us audibly, but He will guide us through our days, and He’ll speak to us in whatever way we best hear Him.

For every book you write, there is a theme. What was your guiding theme for Brice and Rowena’s story?

It comes courtesy of George Muller, a missionary to England in the 1800s. That empty plates—empty places in our lives—are not a lack. They’re just an opportunity for God to provide for us in ways we couldn’t have imagined.

What is your favorite scene or quote in the book?

Oh gracious . . . probably the maze scene at Whitby Park. I love the glimpse we get of Ella, which sets the stage for her in book 3. And I love the confrontation between Rowena and Brice after he “rescues” them from the maze. 😉

You did a Periscope interview with Cara Grandle a few weeks ago where you discussed writing. You said that the reason you write was to minister to others (which I LOVE), so how do you hope God uses this book to minister to the readers?

I don’t generally know how God is going to use my books…just that if I’m faithful to write the story He gives me and seek to learn His truth as I’m writing it, He will. Maybe it’ll resonate with someone who has suffered abuse…or maybe with someone whose life feels empty…or maybe someone doesn’t think they can hear God that clearly but will seek to. I don’t know. Most of the time, it isn’t someone or something I imagine. Which makes it all the more beautiful when I get an email saying, “This…this was for me.” Makes me sniffle every time!

We know that there is a third book, A Lady Unrivaled, waiting in the wings. Can you give us a little hint about what to expect and when we can look forward to reading it?

Absolutely! A Lady Unrivaled releases in September and features the adventure-and-romance loving Ella as our heroine…and a hero you might not expect—Cayton, the Duke of Stafford’s misanthropic cousin who is a cad in book 1 and in the throes of grief in book 2. In book 3, he’s been redeemed but doesn’t quite know how to grasp that with both hands. And Ella, while still all sunshine and birdsong, has to learn when to trust her own instincts again after the shock that comes at the end of book 2. The mysteries of the Fire Eyes are finally fully understood and explained, with the help of a Russian ballerina sent by “the Russian buyer” to find out what’s become of them. Loved exploring a bit of Russian culture through her! At the moment, it’s my favorite of the series. But then, the most recent is always my favorite, LOL.

It is always so much fun being able to talk with Roseanna (Thank you, Roseanna!). Below is a little bit more about her with links to her website and blog. You can also follow her on Facebook and Pinterest.

ABOUT ROSEANNA WHITE:

Roseanna M. White pens her novels beneath her Betsy Ross flag, with her Jane Austen action figure watching over her. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two small children, editing and designing, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of 10 historical novels and novellas, ranging from biblical fiction to American-set romances to her new British series. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to make their way into her novels…to offset her real life, which is blessedly boring. She makes her home in the breathtaking mountains of West Virginia. You can learn more about her and her stories at www.RoseannaMWhite.com and at Writing Roseanna.

⇒ GIVEAWAY ⇐

**And now that you’re all excited to read The Reluctant Duchess, here’s your chance to enter to WIN a copy of your own!**

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks for entering! This contest is open to residents of the U.S. only and runs from Thursday, April 7 (12:00 a.m.) through Monday, April 11, 2016, at 11:59pm EST (I know, specific.). The winner will be notified by email within 48 hours of the contest ending. Winner has 48 hours to respond before another winner is selected.

While only one happy reader will be able to win my giveaway, I’m not the only person celebrating the release of The Reluctant Duchess. Below is a list of several other giveaways going on right now for this enchanting, suspenseful book!

Roseanna herself has an awesome prize package available through her giveaway, including signed copies of both The Lost Heiress and The Reluctant Duchess, a necklace inspired by the story, chocolate, and more. You can enter through April 26. Click here to enter Roseanna’s giveaway.
Goodreads.com is giving away copies of The Reluctant Duchess to 15 readers!!! It ends TODAY, though, Thursday, April 7, so click over now to enter this one!
Visit author Heather Blanton’s site, Ladies In Defiance, to enter for another chance to win a copy of The Reluctant Duchess as part of Roseanna’s guest post there. (Heather’s “Romance in the Rockies” books are also really great reads.) Giveaway goes through April 15. Click here to enter this giveaway.
Noela from Overcoming with God has a review and giveaway, too. (Note: I’m not sure how long this giveaway is open). Click here to enter Noela’s giveaway.
Coming up April 22-25 is a chance for you to win not only The Reluctant Duchess, but one of over 150 books during the Christian Fiction Scavenger Hunt. You can find out more by checking out Roseanna’s post, and stay tuned to her blog or Facebook page at the end of the month.

Don’t want to wait for a giveaway to end? You can read an excerpt from The Reluctant Duchess on the Bethany House site.