Tag - fear

The Courage in God With Us

December 8, 2018

In the middle of October I was driving our two older boys to the first practice for our church’s children’s Christmas program.

Elijah had auditioned a week or so earlier, and having earned a part in the cast, he was especially excited.

Josiah, on the other hand, was acting rather miserable. We’d had a busy week, and at not-quite-six-years-old, he usually needs more rest than his older brother, so I thought he might just be tired. But when I asked him what was wrong, he surprised me by saying that he didn’t want to go to practice.

I reminded him that he needed to practice in order to be in the program, but he said,

“I don’t want to be in the program.”

Again I was surprised because at the auditions, even though he was too young to really try out for a big part, he’d eagerly followed Elijah in to the other room when they asked for people who wanted to audition for a solo.

So, I dug a little deeper with him.

“Why don’t you want to be in the program? I think you’d have fun.”

To which he replied, with a little quiver in his voice, “It would make me nervous.”

Knowing that Josiah is my more sensitive child, one who is more shy and struggles at points with confidence, his fear hurt my heart.

Because I knew he would do so well – he’d try hard, learn the songs and motions, and have a great time being a part of it all – if he only gave it a chance.

So this is what I told him:

“It’s okay to be nervous or a little afraid. I’m pretty sure everyone will be. It’s a big thing to get on stage in front of lots of people.

But guess what? Sometimes it’s good to do things that we’re afraid of. Because you know the good thing about being nervous or afraid? It gives you a chance to be brave. You don’t need courage when you’re doing something you aren’t scared to do. So it’s okay if you’re nervous because I know you have courage.

Plus, when we decide to be brave and do something scary, it gives us a chance to trust God, and we give God a chance to prove that He’s right there with us, to help us do what we can’t do by ourselves.”

Josiah gave me a quiet “Okay,” and we went to practice.

I didn’t realize the impact of our little conversation, though, until the next week at practice, when he was one of the first kids to volunteer to sing a small line in one of the big numbers. His excitement and pride over being given 3 words to sing by himself (although he does sing them 7 times throughout the song) was precious, and his diligence to practice and work on singing louder and clearer – yes, just those 3 words – has made me so proud of him.

It’s also made me think about how so much of the Christmas story required bravery and courage. Each person who was a part of the events of Jesus’s birth had to decide to trust God even when they were nervous, afraid, intimidated, or even in danger. Mary, Joseph, shepherds, wise men – God called them all to rather overwhelming tasks. They bravely chose to be obedient, to submit to God’s plan, to have faith that He would be right there with them to help them do what they couldn’t do on their own.

And yet, in some ways, Jesus showed the greatest courage of all.

While I don’t think God actually fears anything, and yes, He knew the outcome and the reason, He also knew what it would cost Him. Humbling Himself, the King of Kings, to leave the gloriousness of Heaven to come dwell among us – the lost, sinful, and broken–in our fallen world. He came loving us and longing for relationship with us, knowing that despite all He would sacrifice, He would be “despised and rejected” by so many (Isaiah 53:3).

And still He came because He wanted to be Immanuel, God with us. (Matthew 1:23)

With us – His Holy Spirit in us – so that when we face challenges, trials, or heartache, He can strengthen us, equip us, and guide us like never before, helping us do things that we can’t do on our own.

With us, so that when He calls us to follow Him, we know He’ll never leave us or forsake us, and we can trust in His good plans for us (even if they intimidate us some times).

With us, so that we can know Him, His grace, and forgiveness and have an eternal relationship with Him, and we can boldly approach the throne as children of God.

With us, so that we have the power to be His witnesses, sharing His love with others as courageously as He did.

And “with us,” so that when a tender-hearted little five-year-old chooses to step out and be brave despite his nerves on the day of his first Christmas program, God will be right there beside him, ready to prove His presence with overwhelming peace and confidence, strengthening Josiah’s faith and trust in the One he’s so proudly singing about and celebrating.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10

Feature photo by Greyson Joralemon on Unsplash

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Elijah & the Roller Coaster: A Lesson in Facing Fear

October 22, 2015

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Elijah & the Roller Coaster - A Lesson in Facing Fear. Life in Lape Haven. Our son was both excited and scared to ride his first ever roller coaster, but through it we both learned a lesson in facing fears.

Last updated June 6, 2018

A few springs ago, Elijah began a mission to save money toward a family trip to Kings Island, one of the amusement parks here in Ohio. Two summers in a row, when Elijah was 2 and 3, we had received free tickets from hubby’s work, and it became Elijah’s favorite place in the world (we’ve never been to Disney). However, starting that year, the company outings changed to a different venue, so a trip to any amusement park suddenly became a more expensive venture for us.

Elijah was determined to go that year, though, so we struck a deal with him. In an effort to begin teaching him about making good financial choices and the importance of earning something you want, we promised him that if he could save enough for his ticket, we would go.

Through learning memory verses every week, doing various special chores, choosing to save his change instead of spend it, and designating the majority of his birthday money to savings, Elijah was able to put aside more than enough very quickly.

So our family planned a trip in late July, and Elijah counted down the days.

Part of our planning including visiting the Kings Island website to see what rides in Planet Snoopy, the Peanuts-themed kids’ area, that Elijah would be tall enough for then. I’m not sure who was more excited, him or us, when Brad and I realized that Elijah was able to ride everything in the kids’ area, including my favorite ride in the entire park. Several years ago, I had ridden the family inverted steel roller coaster (now based on Snoopy and the Red Baron) with my nephews, so I knew it was a fun, smooth coaster.

He was also tall enough to bump along on my very first coaster, a wooden contraption once named the Beastie. In keeping with the Peanuts branding, it is now called the Woodstock Express, but it is still as jostling as it ever was.

When the big day arrived, Elijah was both excited and nervous about his first real coaster ride. He decided to start his day slowly, enjoying familiar, tamer rides to build up his courage.

In previous years, he hadn’t been a big fan of even the mildest kiddie coaster, but being two years older, he tackled that one easily. He was ready to face a “real” coaster when it began raining. The downtime gave him a chance to vacillate and worry again while we enjoyed some yummy blue ice cream.

Had it been Josiah, he would have been in the front car of the biggest possible coaster as soon as he could. Elijah, however, has a bit of his mommy’s cautiousness to him, so I knew he would need a little coaxing to face something new and unknown. (I am very familiar with the feeling) We wouldn’t make Elijah ride the coaster, but we did encourage him to try it, even if he were a little nervous. Had he said he really didn’t want to, we would have gone on to something else.

After things dried out, he said he was ready, and Elijah and I found ourselves in line for the steel coaster, his little face betraying his anxiousness even though he was smiling.

He watched the other riders ahead of us, which I’m not sure helped, but the older girls talking about how fun the ride was did seem to give him the extra incentive to get strapped into the chair when our turn came.

I was proud of him. He was going to do it, even though he was a bit afraid.

Then he gripped my hand. And I knew.

He was scared, but he was trusting me. He knew I was right there with him. I had done this before, and now we were going to do this together.

He was okay for the initial “chugga-chugga-chugga” up the hill, but when the cars topped the incline and started to circle down the first hill, his handhold with me became a death-grip.

When he squeaked out, “Mommy!” I could tell he was NOT loving this quite as much as we’d hoped he would.

I squeezed his hand and told him that it was okay. I continued to reassure him through the remaining 60 seconds or so of the ride, and toward the end, he relaxed a tiny bit. However, he never let go of my hand.

Helping him down, I asked him what he thought, and he told me,

“I didn’t like it, but it was fun.”

My poor conflicted little guy. We’ve been working on “doing hard things” this past year, and this was definitely one of them.

Facing a fear is NEVER something we want to do. We don’t like it. It is, after all, scary. Most of the time, when we step outside of what we know, out of our comfort zone, we’re not overly thrilled to be doing so. It’s called a “comfort zone” for a reason – everything beyond those borders is uncomfortable.

However, it’s in the uncomfortable places where we grow, where we learn to be brave, where we learn to trust. And usually the reward for facing our fear is worth it. It might even be fun.

Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - Elijah and the Roller Coaster

On the Woodstock Express – that face!

And we don’t have to face our hard things alone.

As I was describing how Elijah held my hand on the ride, I couldn’t help but see God in my spot and me in Elijah’s.

We all know that life can be a roller coaster, and who better for me to be holding onto than God?

There will be parts that scare me, that jostle me, that make me disoriented even. But I know Who is right there with me. I know that He knows where the ride is going, when it dips and when it rises. I can hear Him reassuring me the whole time.

Even in those seasons when it’s fun and exciting, I still hold tight to His hand because I need Him then, too, to share in the joy and to prepare me for whatever’s coming next.

I asked Elijah tonight what he would say about that ride now.

He told me again, “I didn’t like it. But next time I want to do it again.”

And I’ll be right there with him, holding his hand.

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Going “Naked” at the Water Park

August 6, 2015

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How Being a Mom Has Given Me

More Confidence as a Woman

Summertime is a wonderful season. The sunshine and warm temperatures mean my boys are eager for picnics, exploring parks, being outside morning until night, chasing fireflies, and playing in water whenever and wherever they can (Oh, look! A puddle!!! What? What do you mean, “Good clothes?”)

Of course, water and swimming mean swimsuits, which is fine when you’re a 2-year-old or 5-year-old kid. They’d be fine without changing into any swim appropriate attire (see “Puddle” above) or completely nude, if allowed (mine are not). But once most of us hit a certain age, maybe late tweens or early teens, swimwear, along with our outward appearance overall, become kind of a big deal, or rather, a big ordeal.

Now I know that there are those special few who are graced with a self-confidence impervious to mean kids or expectations of physical perfection promoted by the media. Kudos to them! I was never one of them. As a teenager and younger adult, I struggled with accepting how I looked, how I wanted to look, and the disparity between the two. And of course, doing what I could to help the situation.

I did not leave the house without my hair fixed or my makeup on. When anyone was coming over to my house, I was ready. Only people who I really knew or trusted, such as family or very close friends, have ever seen me bare-faced or flat-haired. I even had myself all presentable when I gave birth to my boys.

I never had too much of an issue with my weight or my body itself because I stayed active enough and was blessed with good genetics and a healthy metabolism. However, I did watch my diet and tried to exercise to ensure that it never was an issue.

Even marrying the sweetest, most adoring man, one who will adamantly proclaim my beauty and perfection to the world, hasn’t completely changed my self-esteem. He could tell me I’m pretty as I am, and I’d think, “That’s because you love me. Other people don’t.”

Then I had babies. If you think that made me feel better about myself physically, you’d be wrong, at least initially. Was I proud of what my body was able to do (with God’s help and divine design) when I carried and naturally delivered my babies? Absolutely. It was amazing. Precious. Miraculous.

But babies – They can wreak some havoc. Not only do you face weight gain, stretch marks, different boobs, and the knowledge that your body will never be exactly as it was before, but caring for a little one often means sleepless nights and shower-less days, among other things. Not many new mamas go around feeling super beautiful and attractive, at least not most days. As the children get a little older, the time you get to spend on yourself is still less and harder won than before the sweeties were in the picture.

But we love them in the picture. We do. We would never change that picture now. And so slowly, we grow accustomed to a new standard of what is acceptable in order to feel pretty and confident. (When you’ve not shaved in who knows how long, finally doing so is like a whole spa day!)

With more to worry about in our lives than some random stranger’s opinion of us, we can start to relax our comparisons of ourselves to others. When we start to focus on the little people who we love so much, we spend less time focused on ourselves. That’s very freeing.

Then came this summer, and we got invited to a water park to celebrate my nephew’s fourth birthday.

First thought – water equals swimsuits. However, I’m fine with rocking the swim shorts and tankini after a few summers as a parent because I have two boys to keep up with, and I don’t want to be readjusting everything each time I move. I’ve learned that, as a mom, sometimes I need to be quicker than I am cute. Just like heels don’t work at the park, a more revealing, more-likely-to-move-around swimsuit isn’t practical for me. Plus, this suit is good to cover up those areas that have…um…changed since having children. It’s still a cute suit, though, so I can feel confident in it.

However, when I’m out and about, I dislike getting totally wet because of my hair and makeup hang-ups. My hair doesn’t look great wet. I mean, I know most people don’t look great with wet hair. Very few people come out of the water looking like the Little Mermaid, with that backlit flip of her gorgeous red locks that fall beautifully into place. Nope. We look like drowned rats. Or raccoons, if we’ve worn too much waterproof mascara, which is generally more water-resistant than waterproof. A tired mom with under-eye circles doesn’t need anything else darkening that area.

That’s why I usually let my husband do the heavy water stuff with my guys when we’re out in public. (You can’t put children in water without getting soaked.) I can better take pictures that way, too. However, for this particular day, he had to work.

It would just be me with my two boys. I knew what that meant – it was either all or nothing.

If I didn’t enter in to that day whole-heartedly and abandon my concerns with how I would look, especially when it was over, my boys might have an okay day, but none of us would have an awesome day.

The morning of our adventure, I made a decision: vanity and self-consciousness were not going to keep me from enjoying my boys and their day to the absolute fullest. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, styled my bangs knowing they would be flat and parted by day’s end, and only applied foundation because of its high SPF (this pale girl burns easily).

Now makeup and hair styles may not be a difficulty for you. You may be able to flaunt your natural beauty without a second thought. But all of us have some area of vulnerability, something that we keep covered up rather than being completely, truly who we are. We fear judgment, rejection, or people misunderstanding us.

Fear, though, is a thief. It’s a lie. And it’s not of God. His Word clearly tells us that “God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Does this mean that my fear of what people think of me, or any fear, is the end of my Christian walk? No, it just makes me human, and should, honestly, push me closer to God. Where else can I find my true worth and value? I’m important enough to Him that “every day of my life was recorded in (His) book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:16) I can come to Him, baring my heart and completely stripped of pretense, with whatever vulnerability or flaw and find grace, love, healing, and acceptance. God knows who He created me to be, and by resting in His love for me (and that of my husband and boys), I can continue to become confident and free in who that is.

At the water park, I felt naked at first, aware of my less-than-my-standard appearance, but once we got to the park, and my boys saw the water, I knew being “bare” for them would be worth it. They didn’t care what I looked like as long as I was with them. And I didn’t really care what I looked like, as long as I was with them. I only hesitated for a second when my 5-year-old pulled me up onto the big kids’ giant play area, where water showers down continuously from all over, and you have no hope of coming out of it as anything less than drenched. I took a deep breath and dove through the torrent, holding onto my laughing, loving little boy’s hand as we headed to a water slide.