Tag - love

A Lady Unrivaled – Book Review & Giveaway

September 29, 2016

This post may contain affiliate links, which means at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission when you use those links.

If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time, you know by now that I read a good bit, especially Christian historical fiction. It’s one of the ways I get my mind to slow down after a busy day of being Mom. And you probably already know that I’m a big fan of Roseanna White. Over the past year, I’ve been privileged to review and giveaway copies of both The Lost Heiress and The Reluctant Duchess, Books 1 and 2 in her “Ladies of the Manor” series.

Today I finally get to introduce you to Roseanna’s last book in the trilogy, A Lady Unrivaled, as well as offer a copy to one of my happy readers. (More on the giveaway in a moment.)

In A Lady Unrivaled, we are once again transported back to Edwardian-era England (with a little stop-over in Paris to pick up a new character) and reunited with all of our favorite characters, both from upstairs and downstairs, both good and bad, as Roseanna weaves together the conclusion of all the intrigue, drama, and romance we’ve followed through The Lost Heiress and The Reluctant Duchess.

Adorable and optimistic Lady Ella Myerston and the infamous former rogue, Lord James Cayton, find themselves in a rather unique situation: Trying really hard NOT to fall for each other as they PRETEND TO BE falling for each other as part of a ruse to help them solve the mystery of the Fire Eyes diamonds and rid their families of the threat those supposedly-cursed jewels have brought to everyone around them.

I’ve been waiting for Lady Ella’s story since the very first book, and it does not disappoint. I love how her sunshiny personality and her determination to find the happiness in life aren’t just fluff and silliness, but are based in her belief that there is always hope, especially when you are trusting God. She’s an intelligent girl, who listens to God’s leading, and is not as naïve as some may think, despite her optimistic views on life. She definitely sees hope for cranky Lord Cayton, and her mischievous flirting and teasing to both annoy him and make him smile (when he’s stubbornly refusing to) are quite fun to read.

Cayton himself struggles with the reputation of who he once was, even as he’s trying to live in the reality of who he is now, thanks to God’s transforming power in his life. He’s constantly being reminded of his past, most often by those wanting to use his former ways to get to the diamonds or those who don’t quite trust the “new” him. Teaming up with Ella means having a constant cheerleader by his side and makes hiding behind his gruff and super-serious manner a little harder than before. Following his character’s journey from near-villain to redeemed hero has been one of my favorite parts of the whole series.

We also get to discover a little of the backstory of creepy Lord Rushworth and his never-very-nice sister, Lady Catherine Pratt, thanks to the addition of a new lady’s maid, Kira, whose own story is tangled up with the Fire Eyes as well. Expect a few surprising twists from these three – that’s all I’ll say. 🙂

With A Lady Unrivaled, Roseanna has once again brings together a story with humor, heart, mystery, and a strong spiritual theme that will encourage you in your own walk with God. It’s a series that I’m sad to see end, but one that I know I’ll be rereading often.

Thank you so much, Roseanna White and Bethany House Publishing, for allowing me the chance to be an advance reader yet again. 🙂 Note: While I did receive this book in exchange for my honest opinion, my endorsement of it is based solely on how much I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Below is a little bit more about Roseanna with links to her website and blog. You can also follow her on Facebook and Pinterest.

ABOUT ROSEANNA WHITE:

Roseanna M. White pens her novels beneath her Betsy Ross flag, with her Jane Austen action figure watching over her. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two small children, editing and designing, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of 10 historical novels and novellas, ranging from biblical fiction to American-set romances to her new British series. Spies and war and mayhem always seem to make their way into her novels…to offset her real life, which is blessedly boring. She makes her home in the breathtaking mountains of West Virginia. You can learn more about her and her stories at www.RoseannaMWhite.com and at Writing Roseanna.

⇒ GIVEAWAY ⇐

**Now it’s your chance to read Lady Ella and Lord Cayton’s story for yourself. Enter below to win your own paperback copy of A Lady Unrivaled!**

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thanks for entering! This contest is open to residents of the U.S. only and runs from Thursday, September 29 (12:00 a.m.) through Monday, October 3, 2016, at 11:59pm EST (I know, specific.). The winner will be notified by email within 48 hours of the contest ending. Winner has 48 hours to respond before another winner is selected.

**Don’t want to wait for a giveaway to end? You can read an excerpt from A Lady Unrivaled on the Bethany House site.**

Of course, you can always purchase a copy from your favorite bookseller or download it on Kindle to start reading it right now. 🙂

3 Things I Know About Becoming a Mother

September 21, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: 3 Things I Know about Becoming a Mother. With all the parents-wanting-to-be swooning over my baby belly lately, I find that there are a few things I want them to know about what it means to become a mommy or a daddy.

Counting from when I first became pregnant with Elijah, I’ve been a mother for over seven years. Looking back at the starry-eyed mommy-wanting-to-be that I was when we were first preparing to start our family, I don’t think I realized how much I would change or all that I would learn once I became a mother.

I’ve been reminded of my own eager mommy naiveté lately, as young female friends, family, and even strangers swoon over my baby belly with their own hopes and dreams of becoming mommies someday. I find myself smiling at their innocence with a “you have no idea” knowing that only comes from experience. I remember well that “Oh, babies are so precious,” and “children are so fun” mindset that painted motherhood and parenting as idealistically as a newborn diaper commercial. Not that babies and children aren’t precious and fun, but parenting isn’t all sweet things and blissful days and nights.

So from my seven years of mothering, here are three things I know about what it means to become a mother. (And most of this applies to becoming a daddy, too, but since I’m a mom, that’s where I write from.)

#1. YOU WILL CHANGE FROM HEAD TO TOE, INSIDE AND OUT

From the moment those two little pink lines show up on the pregnancy test (and even before then), you begin changing, and you’ll never be the same again. Everyone realizes that a pregnant woman’s body changes in multiple ways, and despite our current culture’s pressure for moms to just snap right back to their pre-baby selves, it really isn’t realistic (or fair or necessary). Sure you can lose the extra weight, especially when you breastfeed, and you can exercise and tone up, but it will, and should, take some time. Plus there will still be areas of your body that are changed forever, even if others never see the evidence.

And the physical changes are actually the least drastic of them all.

Yes, mommies-wanting-to-be, there are more dramatic adjustments once you have a child than stretchmarks and maybe a belly pooch.

Motherhood changes EVERYTHING – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, socially, and financially.

Think you’ve loved someone before? It won’t compare to when you hold that baby for the first time (or even feel his first kicks in your belly). Ever been frustrated? Try going up against a strong-willed toddler in the epic parenting face-offs known at “potty training” or “naptime.” Been proud of someone? Just wait until your mini-me digs deep and determinedly learns to tie her shoes or ride a bike or starts to read or shows compassion and generosity toward others.

And before you have children, let’s face it – You pretty much think about yourself and what you need. Yes, marriage is good at teaching you to put someone else first, and hopefully you consider your spouse’s needs and sacrifice for them. However, from your first seconds of parenthood (and on for basically the rest of your life), so many decisions and choices will be run through the filter of “how will this affect my child?” Don’t believe me? Everything you do when you’re pregnant will prove it – what you eat, how you care for yourself, and what you do. Once that little bundle of joy arrives, you’ll plan your days around their naps or feedings or both (maybe not precisely, but at least roughly), you’ll make grocery lists based on what your preschooler will actually eat this week, and you’ll pick where you live with consideration of the schools in the area.

Every major decision you make will also be even more a matter of prayer. Seriously, I don’t know that any area of your life will be as affected by parenting as your spiritual walk. You’ve only THOUGHT you needed wisdom before. Raising children will take you to your knees like nothing else. Patience, discernment, direction, peace – yep, you’ll need everything God can give. And trusting God hits a whole new level when you place your child in His hands.

While most people know that having children will affect you financially – they do have to eat and be clothed, after all – I’m not sure how many nonparents realize how different your social life will become once Junior is in the picture. Even beyond going out often and easily (either you are taking your children – that’s a whole new ballgame – or you’re arranging for a babysitter), unless all your friends have children or really love kids, there are going to be some that just don’t get your new situation in life. You most likely won’t have as much time or even interest in things you used to do often, and they probably won’t have the same excitement you have over your child’s latest milestones or in seeing all 557 pictures you took of your little one that morning at the park. You will be at different places in your life, and that’s okay. God has His own unique plan for each of us and our families. So be prepared to give them some grace, and do your best to keep in touch, even if you don’t spend as much time together as you used to.

#2. YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH

I know. I KNOW. This isn’t what any of us want to hear. We want to think that we can rock this parenting thing if we just try hard enough, get super organized, stop comparing ourselves to other moms, embrace our own strengths, and so on. In fact, it’s kind of a thing among the mother and women’s community at large right now to loudly and repeatedly tell you that “You are enough!” There are blogs, t-shirts, memes, coffee mugs, and who knows what all else to remind you of your wonderful capabilities and awesome mom potential.

However, all of those well-meaning cheerleaders are setting you up for frustration, disappointment, and no end of discouragement because it’s simply not true.

You, in and of yourself, are not, and will never be, enough for your children. No amount of effort on your part is going to change that.

I’m not sure why we would want to fight so hard to prove we can do it by ourselves. Parenting is HARD, like, REALLY HARD.

I know I’m not the only mother who has those days when I can’t wait for my husband to get home- not because I’ve missed him or have something important to tell him, but simply because I NEED HIS HELP. I need a break from our boys, from their demands for my attention, from their fighting, from the constant giving and caring I’ve been doing since I woke up that morning. Tagging out when Brad is ready to take over can be such a relief.

In those moments, if I believed I was supposed to be enough for them, I would feel like such a complete failure.

Thankfully, I KNOW that I’m not. And I know that Brad’s not enough as their dad. Even together, amazing parents that we are :), we aren’t enough for our precious boys.

And we’re glad about that.

Why?

Because we know that God did not design parenting (or much else in life) to be something you could do independent of Him. It’s something you can only do well WHEN you rely on Him.

We are never enough, but He is ALWAYS MORE THAN ENOUGH. We will make mistakes and fail, but He is perfect and always faithful.

2 Corinthians 3:9 reminds us that His “’grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Yes, I “can do all things,” but it’s only “through Christ who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)

Being able to seek God’s guidance, strength, PATIENCE, wisdom, and power instead of relying on my own (very weak) human strength, allows me to be the mom that God called me to be to my children.

God planned for me to be their mother, and God has gifted me with talents and abilities that I can use in that calling, but I can’t do it without Him.

And my kids need to know that, too. I’m not my children’s source. It’s not my job to be their source of joy or of peace, of safety or of health, of goodness or of salvation. They need to rely on God as much as I do. But if I’m trying to be “enough” for them on my own, how will they realize their need for Him?

#3. YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO GO BACK

Parenting is hard, and it changes everything for you, but I can promise you that even despite that, you will NEVER want to go back to life before your children.

Not seriously, anyway.

There may be days that you reminisce about how easy and carefree life was when two or three kids weren’t fighting in the background, or how awesome it was to get a full, uninterrupted night’s sleep once upon a time. But honestly, in your heart of hearts, you will never, ever want to go back to not being a parent.

And perhaps this is the part that longing-to-be-mommies and – daddies see in us that makes them swoon and sigh over our sweet new little ones, our precocious preschoolers, or our growing grade-schoolers. They see that overwhelming, straight-from-heaven love that softens the difficult days and cements the really great ones into our memories forever. They hear the pride and joy in our voices (or read it in our social media posts) when our kids do something adorable or impressive. They may not have faced the struggles of parenting yet, but they see the rewards in our relationship with our children, these amazing, inspiring, precious gifts from God.

When those young, naïve parents-wanting-to-be start talking about how awesome it will be to a mom or dad someday, I find myself smiling at their innocence with a “you have no idea” knowing that only comes from very cherished experience. 🙂

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

5 Everyday Moments that Make Being a Mom Totally Worth It

How I Sabotaged Myself & Made a Bad Evening Worse

Welcoming Isaiah: A Birth Story that Didn’t Quite Follow to My Birth Plan

Going “Naked” at the Water Park

5 Tips & Tricks I Learned with My 3rd Baby that I Wish I’d Known with My 1st

8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

August 13, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: 8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant. Pregnancy can bring all sorts of discomforts and inconveniences, but there are so many wonderful parts to being pregnant. Here are 8 of my favorite!

For the last few months, this third pregnancy has had me slightly off my game more so than my other two pregnancies did. The tiredness, nausea, yucky taste, and more have been a bit of a struggle, especially with having my two boys to keep up with. Now that I’m a little more than halfway through, I’m feeling a bit better, for now (I know that the end-of-pregnancy uncomfortableness is still ahead of me).

With all the not-so-fun things that come with pregnancy, there are still so many wonderful parts of pregnancy than make up for the inconveniences and discomforts.

Here are 8 of My Favorite Things About Being Pregnant

#1. Expectant Mother Parking

Okay, this might sound silly, but I was so excited the first time I was able to pull into one of those special parking spaces. I had seen them popping up at various stores not long before I became pregnant with Elijah, and I thought that it was such a nice consideration for expectant and new mothers. I waited until I was rather obviously pregnant before taking advantage of them, so you know I was happy to have a shorter walk into the grocery store at that point.

#2. Special Consideration from Others

Similar to the expectant mother parking, it’s always nice when people are extra kind to you, and when you’re pregnant, most people are especially kind and helpful. Sure, some people might be a bit too free with their advice or invading your personal belly space, but for the most part, you are treated with a courtesy and friendliness that is often only experienced during the holiday season.

#3. Ultrasounds & the Heart Doppler

Few sounds are as beautiful as hearing your baby’s heartbeat, especially for the first time. It’s the highlight of every doctor’s appointment. That deep little “swish, swish, swish” sound is reassurance that your little one is doing well.

And while I’m not a fan of having a ton of ultrasounds while I’m pregnant, it is pretty exciting to have that visual confirmation of your baby’s growth. Seeing the profile, and yes, finding out whether you are carrying a boy or a girl, is a milestone that every mother waits for (even if you don’t want to know your baby’s sex before he/she is born).

This is how Josiah looked in utero.

#4. Feeling the Baby Kick

Even beyond the ultrasound, this is the milestone I look forward to and cherish: feeling the baby move. Trying to explain the sensation to someone who’s never been pregnant is pretty much impossible, but once you’ve experienced it, it’s something you’ll never forget. (I’ve had dreams that I was pregnant and in those dreams, I felt that baby moving…crazy.)

And, yes, as the baby gets bigger, those flutters and shoves become jabs and hard kicks and “please quit pushing on my ribs.” But even with those more powerful movements, you are bonding with your baby, learning their personality before you officially meet them.

For me, Elijah was my little ninja. He liked to kick, and kick, and kick. He also showed his stubbornness early by kicking me every time I moved to my left side, and he would continue kicking until I rolled to my right. Yep. I even warned Brad about this one.

Josiah’s style was more parkour. He flipped, kicked, and shoved constantly, and that has carried over since birth. He is our little daredevil who never walks when he can run, who climbs EVERYTHING just so he can jump off it. We’d kind of hoped he would be a bit more laid-back than Elijah, but…nope.

We’ve already been praying about this third boy. 🙂

#5. Comradery with Every Other Mother in the World

Just like you bond with your baby while you’re pregnant, being pregnant also gives you an instant bond with every other woman who has ever been pregnant or become a mother in some way. You’ll exchange stories about your experiences during the months you carried your babies and share your birth stories and the first-six-weeks-with-a-newborn stories.

Despite what we hear about “mommy wars,” I’ve found that most moms are super supportive and encouraging, and that kind of community is a wonderful thing.

#6. Deeper Appreciation for My Mother

Nothing makes you appreciate your own mom like becoming one yourself. Experiencing pregnancy, labor & delivery, and life with a little one, you can’t help but think about your mother, now that you know what she went through for you.

Thankfully, my mom and I have always had a very close relationship, and my pregnancies have only brought us closer. Not only has she been the one I go to for advice, encouragement, questions, and prayer, but my mom has been there with me through each labor and delivery. She has coached me through two un-medicated natural deliveries, knowing the pain I was feeling but helping me stay focused and determined through it all. (She’s not a professional doula, but she totally could be!) And of course, she has always been ready to help during those early weeks (and anytime, no matter our kids’ ages, actually), even if she just does dishes for us or sits with the baby while I get a nap.

#7. Deeper Appreciation for My Husband

Pregnancy and parenting aren’t easy, but it is easier when you have a supportive, on-board partner to share it with.

Most any given day, I know that I have a rather fabulous husband. He has been fabulous from day one. But I am reminded even more so of his fabulousness when I’m pregnant and once we’re in the midst of caring for a newborn.

Not only does he help with our boys even more and take care of additional household chores when I don’t feel well or just physically can’t, but he does it with joy. He insists that I rest when I need to because he knows I have a tendency to push myself maybe more than I should. He does whatever he can to help me through the unpleasant parts of pregnancy, whether it’s stopping on his way home to pick up more salt & vinegar chips to help me with the nasty taste in my mouth or massaging my achy legs at night even when he’s really tired himself.

In the delivery room, if my mom is the coach, he’s my cheerleader. I know it’s tough for him to see me go through it, but he’s never left my side. And once our babies arrive, he is the sweetest of daddies, changing their first diapers and waking in the night along with me to bring the baby to me for feedings (in the weeks that Brad is off from work) or doing his best to soothe a cranky little one, sometimes falling asleep in the rocking chair himself.

#8. A Baby

This sounds kind of obvious, but the best part of being pregnant, the one thing that makes all the difficult, painful moments worthwhile is that moment when the doctor hands you your squirmy, wrinkly little one and you really meet your baby for the first time. That moment, and about a million others over the next year (and years). Loving and caring for this child, watching them grow and learn, knowing that God has a unique and divine purpose and plan for him, and seeing that plan slowly unfold through his personality and talents, his likes and passions, and God’s leading – there really is nothing better.

It doesn’t change, either, from your first baby to your second or third or so on. Each one brings a new, unique joy and love to your life.

It is absolutely the best part of being pregnant.

So, moms, what would you add to the list? What is something you love or loved about being pregnant?

We Prayed. He Answered.

June 13, 2016

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For over a year, Elijah has been praying faithfully for one thing. Every night when we say our bedtime prayers, his very first words are, “Dear Jesus, thank You for this day. Please help Mommy to have another baby…”

And it’s not just habit. I’ve asked him about it. He has been praying, believing, and full of faith that God will answer his prayers. In fact, as I shared back in October, he is so confident that he was checking my belly for a baby after only three nights of praying. He has since checked a couple others times, as well.

With that kind of persistence and faith, it wasn’t long before Josiah took up the cause, too, adding “Thank you for the baby in Mommy’s tummy,” to his own prayers.

Of course, Brad and I have been praying, as well, but not just that we would have another child, but rather, that we would have another child if that was God’s plan for us and our family. We’ve prayed and sought God’s will and timing for each of our children, and we’ve never set a definite number for how big or small our family would be because we believe that God has a say in this, one of the most important areas of our lives. We’ve always used “precaution” until we felt that God said, “Ok, it’s time to have a baby.” And that might sound silly to some, waiting for God’s leading in when you have children, but I know with both of our boys, that once we knew we had His green light, I was pregnant within a few weeks. (I love how my friend Denise explains their approach to growing their family. She says it so well, and it’s exactly the way that Brad and I have looked at it.)

So, with Elijah and Josiah both praying for a sibling, Brad and I began really asking God what He had planned for us, and while three children had always been a consideration for us, we weren’t certain and needed to know.

Then one day I felt God tell me, “Be open to four.”

I laughed at first, not necessarily because I didn’t believe God could give us four, but because that would be just like God to say, “This is what you think the plan is, but here is what MY plan is.”

And knowing that Brad was still trying to wrap his mind around the possibility of three, four would be kind of a leap ahead.

When I told Brad, I said, “Maybe it’s because we’re supposed to have one more and then adopt. Maybe we’ll have twins, maybe we’ll adopt two. I don’t know. Maybe God just wants to remind us that we don’t want to box Him in. We need to be open to whatever He has for us because no matter what it is, it will be better than our plans anyway.”

So we have been prayerfully awaiting God’s direction for our family.

And now we have an answer, at least the next part of it.

We are happy to announce that in December, we will be welcoming Baby Lape #3 to our family.

(We have been assured by the ultrasound tech that there is only one baby. Since my dad is a twin and twins run in my family, I always have her double check.)

Our boys are ecstatic, and so are we. We know from experience how love multiplies and makes room for more, so we are very excited to meet our newest addition.

The boys are both hoping for a girl, since, as Elijah says, “We don’t have any girls in our house except for you, Mommy,” but Brad and I will be happy either way. We have everything we’d need for a boy, and we’re getting pretty good with raising them. Of course, we’d also love a girl, which would end the boy-streak on my side of the family (all grandsons – 8 in a row), give Brad and I both a chance to experience raising a daughter, and mean that we’d have some fun shopping to do. (We’ll find out the gender at the end of July.)

For now we are just celebrating this new tiny little life, planning for all the transitions and new adventures we’ll be facing as a family, and the boys’ prayers (and our) have switched to “Thank Yous” and prayers for the baby’s safe development over the next months and help for Mommy with all the pregnancy “fun.”

I love that our boys get to see God answering their prayers, and I’m thankful that they had to wait a while for that answer to come. They are learning early on that God’s timing doesn’t always match ours, but if we trust Him and His plan with faith and patience, we’ll be blessed no matter how or when He answers.

Images courtesy of Picture Bliss Photography.

On Our 8th Wedding Anniversary

May 24, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: On Our 8th Wedding Anniversary. After eight years of marriage, I don't remember all the details from our wedding. But that's okay because we are focused on making our marriage unforgettable.

When it comes to their wedding, some people would say, “Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday.” Well, Brad and I are celebrating our 8^th wedding anniversary today, and I can honestly say that I remember….most of it and some of it. (Some days I don’t even know if I could remember YESTERDAY like it was yesterday…but that’s probably because of our children. Haha.)

Even though it was a beautiful day, I really only remember certain bits and pieces of my wedding day, such as not being 100-percent happy with my final hair and makeup, but knowing that I didn’t want to worry about it enough to be make us start the ceremony late. I remember hanging around in the back rooms of my grandparents’ church with all of our wedding party, parents, and grandparents while we waited for the moment we were all to take our places. I remember not being able to look up much as I walked down the aisle toward Brad because I was doing my best not to cry (happy tears). I remember prompting my dad with the order of the ceremony because he was a little emotional himself as he officiated his daughter’s wedding (He almost passed over the kiss! Haha.) I remember that even though things didn’t go flawlessly (our caterer was late to the reception, for one), it was still perfect enough to us.

While I know that we chose to use the traditional wedding vows, I don’t really remember that specific moment. Thankfully, being the romantic girl that I am, I pretty much had those words memorized long before the day I spoke them to Brad.

“I, Kishona, take you, Brad, to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Over the past eight years, we have enjoyed more “better,” “richer,” and “in health” than the opposite, but we have had enough moments of “worse,” “poorer,” and “sickness” to test those promises. Because, let’s be honest, it’s easy to thrive in your marriage when things are easy, good, and happy. It’s what all the fairy tales are made of, right?

But real life is found in the struggle of the difficult moments, and growth in your relationship only comes through facing the challenges together.

Looking back, I can see that Brad and I have done rather well in working together rather than against each other, even when we didn’t agree on things. However, that’s not to say we are either one perfect or that we, as a couple, have it all together.

I think what we do have is a single focus: glorifying God through our life together. It’s not about me, and it’s not about Brad, and it’s not even about “us.” We believe that God brought us together because we can serve Him better together. Our marriage is about Him.

Even though so many weddings use 1 Corinthians 13 as one of their readings or sermon points, I really think that a different scripture sums up marriage even better:

“So He answered and said, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself.’” (Luke 10:27)

Loving God with all you are will make you the spouse you need to be, one capable of loving your spouse, the closest “neighbor” you’ll have, as yourself.

Not long before Brad and I got married, I read a quote that said something like this, “Marriage is your lifelong ministry to one person.”

Having seen that modeled in my parents’ marriage, it wasn’t a foreign concept, but it gave me the right perspective as Brad and I started on our adventure together.

My purpose as his wife is to encourage him in his walk in the Lord, love him sacrificially, consider him before myself, support him in his goals and dreams, speak the truth in love, pray for him, appreciate him, and respect him. And his purpose is to do the same for me. Oh, and to tell me that I’m pretty. 🙂 (It’s kind of funny because if you were to ask us who the most giving person was in our marriage, we would both say the other person, so that works out nicely.)

Over time, memories of our wedding day will probably grow a little dimmer still, but with our commitment to God and each other, we’ll make sure our marriage will be unforgettable.

I love you, Bradley! 🙂 Happy anniversary!

The Year Mother’s Day Changed for Me

May 5, 2016

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Life in Lape Haven: The Year Mother's Day Changed for Me. Few holidays can be as emotional as Mother's Day, with joy, heartache, and frustration all coming together as we celebrate the journey of motherhood. No matter her story, every mom deserves to be acknowledged, encouraged, and supported, especially on Mother's Day.

It was Mother’s Day Sunday in 2010, and I was about 4 weeks from Elijah’s due date (although he would be born in just 3 weeks). My little guy was doing ninja kicks and flips in my belly throughout the service at church, making it hard to concentrate on much besides him.

Then came the moment they acknowledged mothers throughout the congregation, and the usher passed out a small gift to each mommy present.

When I was bypassed, one of the older moms reminded him, “You forgot Kishona.”

His reply, “Well, she’s not really a mother yet.”

I was a little surprised, a little embarrassed, and yes, a little hurt. My child was right there, with me, pressing on my ribs as I glanced at my husband, unsure of what to say. I didn’t really care about the little trinket, but to be told that I didn’t qualify as a mother when I very much so felt like one already…

I didn’t have to say anything, though, because the other mothers around me immediately came to my defense. They understood that being a mother doesn’t just start when the baby is placed in your arms.

For me, in my heart, I was a mother the moment I saw those two pink lines on the pregnancy test. That was the moment everything I did became about that little one I was carrying – how I ate, what I did, even forcing myself to rest.

For eight months, I had put up with nausea, horrible dysgeusia (constant disgusting taste in my mouth), heartburn, restless nights, and more recently, random people wanting to touch my belly. I had prayed over this baby, sung to him, and talked to him all the time. He responded to my voice and touch. I already knew a bit of his personality and could tell he was going to be a stubborn one just by how he reacted with kicks whenever I would roll over to my left side at night.

So, to be told that I wasn’t “really” a mom yet was kind of upsetting.

I totally understood that I had not had all of the “mom” experiences yet, but you’re not a mom based on your experiences or how old your children are or how many you have. All that might make you a more prepared or wiser mom, but being a mother is based on the love you have for your child.

Sadly, I was not the only mama overlooked that day. And while I was defended by the older moms, this mama was not.

Because she didn’t have a pregnant belly or a toddler in the nursery or a child by her side. Few knew that she had miscarried a little boy the year before. She and her husband were newer in the church, and even so, some women never share that deeply personal and heartbreaking struggle and grief.

I didn’t realize it until after service when I overheard her husband comforting her.

And my heart broke.

Suddenly, I saw Mother’s Day as I hadn’t ever before. Not just as a joyful celebration of my wonderful mother and grandmothers and all my hopes of being a good mom, too, but as potentially the most difficult day of the year for those unacknowledged mothers and those longing to be mommies, quietly hurting in the background.

It made the day more precious to me because it was suddenly tinged with bittersweetness. When you have something so beautiful and cherished, you want that for everyone.

Now every Mother’s Day, as I celebrate with my husband, our families, and our little boys, I can’t help but think about and pray for those women who are grieving through infertility, miscarriages, and loss, acknowledging them and defending their place in the ranks of motherhood.

As moms and even those praying to be a mom, the hopes and love we have for our children bond us in a unique way and give us a unique opportunity to support and encourage each other in our mothering journey. We may not have the same experiences and struggles, and it might seem unfairly easy or difficult for some compared to others. However, who better to come alongside us than another woman who shares our central desire of being the mothers God wants us to be.

This Sunday, pray for mothers – all of them: the exhausted moms, the new moms who feel overwhelmed, the moms grieving the children they’ve never held or will never hold again, the moms missing their own mothers, the expectant moms, the single moms, the moms-still-waiting-to-be, and even the moms enjoying the day with their families. They all need your prayers, encouragement, and acknowledgement.

Happy Mother’s Day.

“Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.” – Ricki Lake

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