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Having a Second Child: the amazing multiplication of love

January 11, 2016

I stepped over several books, a Hot Wheels car, and a toy horse to get him there, but I gently laid my snuggly little sleeping boy into his bed and settled the blanket over him. He didn’t even notice, although he did roll over and cuddle down into his pillow a bit more in his sleep.

Josiah will be three in March, but he still seems so little. Funny, because when I was pregnant with this little guy, his older brother was about this age, although at times Elijah seemed older.

As our second child, Josiah has been our lesson in realizing the multiplication of love.

When you get married, your love is directed very pointedly at one person. Yes, you still love family and friends, and most certainly and firstly God, but the love that you share with your spouse will build your life and family in a new way. You learn to sacrifice and give of yourself daily to minister to one person.

Then the love between you and your spouse begets a new one: your first child. Suddenly you are hit with so much overwhelming love you don’t know how you can stand it. All of those sappy Hallmark and Johnson’s Baby Wash commercials hit home in a way that is so much more personal and heart-wrenching. (Seriously – tearing up over diaper advertisements is kind of annoying). Your world is so full with giving and giving and giving to this demanding, needy, beautiful, precious child. They bring you joy and sleepless nights, and you love every minute of it (okay, let’s be honest – not every minute. Sometimes it’s WAY HARD, and you are beyond exhausted and frustrated, but you know deep down that they are so, so worth it).

Elijah and me on his first night home.

When you discover that Baby #2 is growing in your belly, it’s not exactly the same as when you found out you were pregnant with your first child. It’s just as wonderful, just as exciting, and just as precious. But now you know what’s ahead…and you don’t.

With Elijah, we were blissfully clueless, like every new parent ever in the history of the world. We knew about other people’s children. We had an “idea” (hahahaha) of what to expect. We were as prepared as we could be, and yet we were woefully unprepared.

Then we learned. We experienced firsthand the struggles, the revealing of still-hidden selfishness in our hearts (babies will root it out!), the discovering of unexpected reserves of strength and tenacity that even I, a very stubborn person, didn’t know I had. We endured the exhaustion, the helplessness, the euphoric happiness, the awe-filled moments, the diapers, and the crying-for-no-reason (Elijah’s and ours). We felt the all-encompassing love that grabs your heart and turns your eyes toward Heaven, giving you a glimpse of how completely God loves us, changing your relationship with Him and your perspective of Him forever.

Brad holding newborn Elijah.

That is how it was with the first child.

The second gives you pause, even if the very briefest of milliseconds of a pause.

You now have experiences, both good and bad. You know as you didn’t before what you are getting into. Those first six weeks with a newborn can be a battle, even with the best of babies, and the nine months leading up to it will be unlike the first pregnancy. Now you are not just pregnant, but you are pregnant while caring for and chasing after a child, one that you have to help prepare for a sibling’s arrival.

You love your first child so much. Will you feel the same toward another one? This next child will be different in many ways. Will you bond as well with him?

In all honesty, Brad struggled more with this question than I did at points, but even I, the mother, who could feel his wiggles and kicks and rib-breaking shoves (he was my parkour baby and still is), didn’t feel as connected to Josiah during my pregnancy as I did with Elijah. Perhaps it was because I was busier, more distracted this time around, since Elijah, at two, required a good deal of my attention and supervision. I didn’t have as many of those quiet, calm moments to just bask in the wonder of my baby’s little life, contemplating who he might become or what he would look like. I loved him, I anticipated his arrival, but I didn’t feel as though I “knew” him as well before he was born as I seemed to know Elijah.

Little Elijah napping

Facing down labor and delivery a second time, knowing what it really entailed instead of the vagueness of the “you’ll forget it all once your baby is here” fib, didn’t make it easier. I delivered both my boys naturally and without pain medicine, so choosing that intense experience again was still a little intimidating.

However, being more educated and confident in my position as a mom, I was ready to face what I had to because I also knew the sweetness and joy of a little one’s snuggles, coos, and giggles; the heart-melting tenderness that engulfs you when their tiny hand clutches yours; the completeness and contentment that surrounds you as they sleep peacefully in your arms; the joy and pride in watching them become their own little person, full of talents, personality, and uniqueness.

Josiah entered our world, and Brad and I still weren’t sure of what we’d name him. We thought we knew, but with Elijah we had pretty much known for certain. When the nursed laid Josiah, tiny and wiggly, on my chest, I pulled him up close, before they could clean him off or weigh him. I just held him, memorizing his puffy little features and surprised by his head full of dark hair. Then he cuddled into me, much as he still does now when I hold him, and I knew he was our “Josiah.”

Newborn Josiah at the hospital.

From that instant on, there was no doubt in my mind that I loved him as deeply and unconditionally as I loved Elijah. There was a space, a huge space, in my heart that was all for him, and he took it over completely.

Loving Josiah did affect my love for my hubby and Elijah, but it didn’t diminish it. In fact, the love in our family multiplied. Not only did we all adore Josiah, but my love for my other two guys grew as well. Watching Elijah become a wonderful big brother and seeing Brad’s pride in his two boys made my heart full to bursting.

: Elijah was so proud to be a big brother.

: Sweet little Josiah (photo courtesy Picture Bliss Photography)

: Our first family picture with Josiah. (photo courtesy Picture Bliss Photography)

We navigated the adjustment from a one-child home to a two-child home with a few bumps and scuffles, but we managed it, even on less sleep than before (because Elijah decided to stop sleeping all night, too, for a while).

While we hoped and prayed that Josiah might be calmer and more laid-back than his brother, we soon learned that he was our little daredevil, full of curiosity, fearlessness, and mischief – the perfect sidekick for Elijah.

As we bonded as a family, I once again felt that all-encompassing love that grabs your heart and turns your eyes toward Heaven, only this time, I saw a glimpse of not only how God loves me, but how He can love me AND every other person in the world, individually and completely, all at the same time.

Having one child had shown me God’s heart toward me. Having a second showed me His heart for everyone.

1 John 3:1 – “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.”

Feature image courtesy Picture Bliss Photography.

15 of My Favorite New Things from 2015

December 31, 2015

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Life in Lape Haven: 15 of My Favorite New Things from 2015. A list of my favorite fun and random things from this past year, including apps, books, movies, and more.

Somehow it’s the last day of 2015, and while we are looking forward to many good things in the coming year, there were quite a lot of things I loved about this past one.

Just for fun (and to share with you), I jotted down a quick list of some very random, new fun things that were my favorites of 2015. (Since they are rather random, they aren’t in any particular “most favorite” order.)

By the way, this post contains affiliate links, which means that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission when you use the links to make a purchase.

Here you go:

#1. Blogging. I mean, that was kind of the biggest new adventure for me this year, and although I don’t love the sometimes late nights (writing with little guys running around does not work well, so I have to work during naptime or bedtime), I’ve thoroughly enjoyed sharing my heart, meeting new people, and doing something new that challenges me every day. Hopefully you’re enjoying my blog, too.

#2. Our Family Membership to COSI. Last New Year’s Eve we used a discount that Brad’s work offers and purchased a one-year family membership to COSI (Center of Science and Industry), one of the best children’s science centers in the country. Brad and I had both been there often as children, and now that our boys are big enough to enjoy the hands-on exploration and learning, we knew that it would be something we would use often. I actually think we’ve used it even more than we expected. It’s been especially good for Elijah and his growing interest in all things scientific (he recently brought home a dead fly because he wanted to “do an experiment” on it and “cut it open to see its blood.” We’re sure to have some fun years ahead of us.). It’s become our go-to for family field trips, and we knew that renewing for next year was a definite “yes.”

#3. Periscope. My favorite new app this year is definitely Periscope. An extension of Twitter, Periscope is a live video app that allows anyone to broadcast themselves to the world. Followers of the person get a notice whenever a broadcast begins (a little whistle sound bite), and with a few swipes, you can see and hear the video and interact with comments and by “giving hearts,” the Periscope version of a “like.” Broadcasters see the comments and hearts live, and so they can reply or respond to their viewers. The “scope” (video) is available for 24 hours on the broadcaster’s profile for replaying, in case you miss part of it or can’t watch live.

I have to say that when I first heard of Periscope, I’m pretty sure it was in one of those articles about “apps you should be aware of if you’re a parent” because in the wrong, unwise, or unsupervised hands, I can see it being stupidly dangerous. However, there are so many people using it for good, to teach and help people, and in that way, it’s a pretty cool app. For example, broadcasters can offer a DIY, where you can follow along, step by step, and you can ask questions as they are sharing.

I started following a few people on Periscope around the start of the Write 31 Days challenge, and the organizer of the challenge used it to give us instructions, encouragement, and, again, to answer questions we had. Since then, I have found a community of Christian women and different bloggers who use the app to connect and encourage each other with everything from tips on parenting, daily Bible devotionals, book clubs, sharing funny moments, and even prayer times. How cool is that?

#4. The Humbled Homemaker. I’ve been reading posts by Erin Odom, The Humbled Homemaker, for at least a year or more since many of them have made the rounds on Facebook, but it wasn’t until I started researching to blog myself that I really began following her blog consistently. She writes mostly about motherhood, natural living, and saving money, so I always find something of value on her site. I also follow her on Pinterest and Periscope, and she is just awesome.

A Christian wife and mom of 3, she won a place in my favorites with one of her earlier Periscope broadcasts, where she jumped on for a quick video to tell us about an experience she’d just had in her local coffee shop. She was real and honest, sharing a story of how she had overheard some teenagers talking about some not-so-great stuff and how God had nudged her to reach out to them. It was inspiring to see her heart for the teenagers, her obedience to God, and her excitement and nervousness about stepping outside of her comfort zone in that small way.

#5. The Lost Heiress by Roseanna White. Since Roseanna White is one of my favorite Christian fiction authors, I expected to really like her latest book, The Lost Heiress, which came out in September (that was one of the reasons I signed up to be a part of her launch team). However, I not only liked it – I loved it! Plus, I got to interview Roseanna, which was even more fun. I’m excitedly awaiting the release of the second book in her Ladies of the Manor series, The Reluctant Duchess, which debuts in April!

#6. Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch. I haven’t even completed this book yet, but I can tell you that it’s easily my favorite nonfiction book of the year. I talked a little bit about it earlier this month, and I will be sharing more about it in January because it is just so good. Every chapter has been both reaffirming and challenging to how Brad and I are trying to raise our boys with a Godly worldview and grateful hearts in a culture where they could easily become self-centered, demanding, and entitled. (The book officially releases January 26, but if you’d like to read the first chapter, you can find it here on the Tyndale House site. Also, you can preorder the book, through January 25, at RaisingGratefulKids.com for $16. When you pre-order, you will receive a free Global Family Kit and free shipping on both the book and the kit, which will be delivered in January.)

#7. Amazon Prime. Brad and I finally signed up for Prime when Amazon had a special a few months back, and since that time, we’ve been asking ourselves why we waited so long. Not only do we LOVE the free 2-day shipping (soooo wonderful to have at Christmas time!), but we enjoy the streaming, ad-free music stations and the movies and television shows as well. (Try Amazon Prime 30-Day Free Trial)

#8. Serving on our Preschool Team at Church. While I have been working with the preschool team since late last year, this was my first full year of serving as a preschool Sunday school teacher at our church, and I just love it. I look forward to my month of teaching and seeing those sweet, and sometimes ornery, little faces every Sunday morning. Children’s ministry is just part of who God designed me to be, and I find that I am ministered to just as much as, or more than, my students are each time I get to be with them.

#9. Kings Island Blue Ice Cream Recipe. This is one of my favorite recipes that I’ve made this year because it represents two things. First of all, it reminds me of our family trip to Kings Island this summer and all the wonderful memories we made with our boys, including our first tasting of the famous Kings Island Blue Ice Cream.

Secondly, this recipe is the result of my persistence to replicate that tasty Kings Island treat. When I couldn’t find a copycat recipe online, I began experimenting and concocting in my kitchen until I came up with one that worked well enough for my family. It has since become one of my most pinned items on Pinterest. Apparently others like the yummy blue ice cream, too.

#10. Great-Grandma Edith’s Never Fail Pie Crust. Similar to my quest for a recipe that captured the awesomeness that is Kings Island Blue Ice Cream, I’ve always been on the lookout for a homemade pie crust that I could make successfully that was delicious and easy to work with. All it took was a conversation with my grandma this year and her sharing my great-grandmother’s pie crust recipe with me. Suddenly, my pies are “as easy as pie” and scrumptious, too.

#11. Old Fashioned. If you have not seen this movie yet, put it on your list of “Must See.” Hubby and I saw it for our Valentine’s Day date (one of very few date nights this year), and we both enjoyed it, so, so much. This Christian indie film is funny, romantic, and pure in heart, and it doesn’t skimp on production quality. For more about the film, you can check out the Plugged In review.

#12. Inside Out. This is one our whole family loves, and we were all excited when we got it as a Christmas gift from family. It tells the story of 11-year-old Riley as she adjusts to her family’s move to a new town, but it does it from the inside out – with her emotions being the main characters. Another good movie from Pixar, it’s one we’ll be watching for years to come I’m sure.

#13. Sweet Cinnamon Spice Tea. In Lape Haven, we aren’t coffee people, at all. I’m 100-percent a hot tea or hot chocolate person. I love trying new teas, so when I found this one on sale at Kroger one day, I had to get it. The warm cinnamon-ness is perfect on a cooler day, especially with a good drizzle of honey to sweeten it up. Yum.

#14. Romans 12:12. This year, this verse has been my “Mommy motto.” Even though it’s been written on my kitchen chalkboard since last summer, I’ve really needed the reminder in that verse throughout this year: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

: My nephew’s newborn session

: Love this picture from my cousin’s senior pictures

: My boys are my favorite subjects!

#15. My camera & new lenses. Okay, so my camera isn’t new to 2015, but I did get a couple of new lenses this year, a 50mm for last Christmas and a replacement 18-200mm zoom lens. This year I’ve continued to learn more about shooting in manual and got lots of practice by doing several photo shoots for family and a couple of friends, including my nephew’s newborn shoot, another nephew’s senior pictures, and my cousin’s senior pictures, too. Of course, my favorite pictures of the year are always going to be the ones of my boys. They are my favorite subjects of all. (Earlier this year I shared my tips and what I’ve learned about taking great pictures of your kids.)

So, those are some of my favorite things from 2015. I can’t wait to see all the new, wonderful things that come our way in 2016.

Happy New Year!!!

What about you? What is one of your favorite new things from this past year?

Our Four Gift Christmas

December 29, 2015

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Our Four Gift Christmas - Life in Lape Haven. This year our family scaled back to 4 presents per person with the guidelines of something they want, something they need, something to wear, and something to read. Here is how it all worked out and what we think about this new holiday tradition.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about our family’s plan to have a more scaled back Christmas, which meant limiting our gift-giving to a simple four gift checklist:

#1. Something they want

#2. Something they need

#3. Something to wear

#4. Something to read

Well, we tested out this minimalist Christmas thing.

How did it work? Did we stick to our plan? Did our boys miss the excess? Is this new tradition a keeper?

Here are the answers to all those questions, in case your family is feeling the nudge to have a simpler Christmas next year.

HOW DID IT WORK?

It was brilliantly easy, for the most part. Having some guidelines for the gifts made it so simple to know what to buy for our boys and eliminated any impulse buys we faced.

Elijah’s list was the easiest to fill because he only “wanted” one thing, he knew what he wanted to get for his “to wear” item, and the other two slots – need & read – filled themselves.

Josiah’s was trickier because he kept seeing new things on television every day that he “wanted.” He would say, “Can I have that for my birthday?” Elijah, being the older brother, would answer before I had a chance, reminding Josiah that, “It’s not for your birthday. It’s Christmas. And you only get ONE thing.”

However, watching how Josiah has been playing lately, we came up with a “want” that he truly did want, and it wasn’t even something he’d seen on a commercial.

Once we had an item for each spot on their lists, we were done. It was amazingly easy. Hubby couldn’t add “one more thing” for either one, as he likes to do, and we didn’t have to worry about one ending up with more presents to open than the other.

DID WE STICK TO OUR PLAN?

Yes, for the most part. The only deviations we made were to have more than one item in a couple of Elijah’s packages. For his “to read,” since he is reading now, we got him two books instead of just one, but wrapped them together. We also added a couple of shirts to his “to wear” present because all he asked for was a scarf, but he really needed new shirts (he just won’t stop growing out of things!). Since all three of Elijah’s clothing items combined were less than the price of Josiah’s huge pack of socks for his “to wear,” we felt it was fair enough and still within our budget and guidelines.

They each had four gifts to open from us on Christmas morning.

They also had their Christmas Eve pajamas the night before, their stockings, and a gift from each other. We didn’t include their gifts from each other in our four-gift rule, nor did we plan to in the beginning because when you let a child buy a gift for their sibling or parents, you can’t really plan what they are going to pick out to give! 🙂

After our boys shopped for us, it put Brad & me both over four gifts each, which we hadn’t really thought about ahead of time. Usually when our boys shop, they get one gift for Mommy and one for Daddy. This year they went with Grandma and found some good sales. They ended up way under budget, though, and they had a wonderful time watching us open the presents from them.

DID OUR BOYS MISS THE EXCESS?

Honestly, I think they were freer and happier without the extras. They haven’t seemed to miss anything.

While we’ve never been ones to go crazy with presents, this year the boys did have fewer presents to open. However, they truly seemed to enjoy the morning even more. Since they knew what the guidelines were, they knew what to expect, and I think that helped them. They weren’t in a rush to go from one gift to the next, and when we were all done, they were content. I really didn’t see any disappointment.

They have enjoyed the presents they received, from us and from family members, but they haven’t seemed as overwhelmed as they have been in the past. Having fewer new toys means that they are appreciating each one more and really playing with them.

IS THIS NEW TRADITION A KEEPER?

ABSOLUTELY, YES!!! It’s amazing what a difference it made all around to our holiday. There was no stress – like, zero! – in shopping for our boys. It felt so laid-back and easy. Since we purchased fewer items, we probably put more thought into our choices, but there wasn’t any pressure that an item had to be the perfect gift. There seemed to be greater appreciation for each item, too.

I’m sure we saved money, so that’s always helpful.

And wrapping! I can wrap four presents in no time! That was so nice. It takes Brad a little longer to wrap things, but even then, we had them sorted and done quickly. Everything was organized, simple, and peaceful.

Instead of shopping and wrapping and stressing, we were enjoying hot chocolate and old movies with our boys, reading the Christmas story again and again, and making cookies to share with our neighbors and memories to share forever.

I think it was probably one of the best Christmases we’ve had in a long time.

DID YOU START ANY NEW TRADITIONS THIS YEAR? DO YOU HAVE ANY GUIDELINES THAT YOU FOLLOW FOR GIFT GIVING AT CHRISTMAS?

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5 of My Favorite Christmas Goodies Recipes

December 8, 2015

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5 of My Favorite Christmas Goodies Recipes, Life in Lape Haven. From our family Christmas cookie exchange, some of my favorite Christmas cookie and treats recipes, including homemade Marshmallows and Gingerbread.

Straight on the heels of telling you that you don’t have to do everything to have a great Christmas, I’m breaking out a list of five of my favorite Christmas goodies recipes to tempt you into making time to try them out. 🙂

Baking Christmas cookies and treats is on our family’s list of must-do traditions. Every year I get together with the ladies in my family (both sides, moms and sisters, whoever can make it), and our children to bake and decorate cookies and goodies. We spend the afternoon in cutesy aprons, taking over one of our kitchens, covering the table and counters with sugar cookies, gingerbread men, and whatever other yummies we’ve brought to make and share.

It’s much easier to keep my sanity during cookie decorating with my excited boys when I have the back-up of a Grandma or two and a couple aunts. 🙂 I love my boys, but Elijah’s stubborn independence and creativity and Josiah’s two-year-old curiosity (and climbing) can really test my reflexes and patience, especially in the kitchen when they are “helping.”

: Cousins decorating cookies together.

: Letting Grandma help him decorate.

: Not wanting Grandma to help him.

By the end of the day, we’ve all laughed, shared good conversation, and sung along with some Christmas music, as we’ve made memories and enough Christmas treats to fill a platter for us each to take home.

So, from our great times of baking and bonding, here are five of my favorite recipes for Christmas cookie and goodies exchanges.

(This post contains an Amazon affiliate link, which means that at no additional cost to you, I may receive a small commission if you use the link.)

ROLO TURTLES

For such an easy, EASY treat, these little guys are deliciously addicting.

All you need are 3 ingredients: pretzels, Rolos, and pecans. Stick some pretzels on a cookie sheet, top them each with a Rolo, pop them in the oven to soften, finish them with a pecan, and you’re done.

(Salty + Sweet + Creamy) + (Crunchy + Gooey) = Awesomeness.

Rolo Turtles Recipe

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH TRUFFLES

These started out as something special to make for my husband. If you scroll through my collection of recipes on Pinterest, you’ll see that I’ve pinned quite a few chocolate chip cookie dough recipes because my hubby loves cookie dough.

However, these quickly became a family favorite (as soon as we made the first batch!).

They are pretty easy, but it does take some time to roll them into the balls and dip/cover them in chocolate. I’ve yet to get the hang of making them really pretty when I dip them in the chocolate, but they taste good no matter what they look like. Haha.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Truffles Recipe

Life in Lape Haven: Tried It Tuesday: 5 of My Favorite Christmas Goodies Recipes. From our family Christmas cookie exchange, some of my favorite Christmas cookie and treats recipes, including homemade Marshmallows and Gingerbread.

At the top of the picture, you can see the wrapped caramels.

CARAMELS

These are so yummy, but what else do you expect from something made of basically just butter and sugar. Yeah, these don’t even pretend to be healthy at all.

The first year we made these, we were unprepared for how tasty they were and how long it would take to roll every little piece of caramel up in wax paper. This batch goes on forever because you don’t need big pieces (remember – just butter and sugar)! We split it up between everyone and still had some to freeze.

Caramels Recipe

GINGERBREAD COOKIES

We never really did gingerbread cookies much when I was growing up, and from what I had of other gingerbread cookies, I didn’t mind not having them. However, when I found this recipe, it changed everything.

I love this gingerbread recipe, and both of my boys have loved it, too. In fact, it was Josiah’s favorite of all the cookies during his first Christmas.

I leave the cloves out of the recipe, mostly because I don’t usually have cloves on hand, but other than that I follow the recipe. The dough is a sticky one, so you definitely want to chill or freeze it before you cut out your shapes.

Gingerbread Cookie Recipe

My sticky-faced helper after we made marshmallows for the first time.

MARSHMALLOWS

Yes, homemade marshmallows. These have made me famous…well, in my family and with a few people at my church. When you taste them, you may join my fan club.

Now, don’t be afraid. They are actually a lot easier than you think and so much more delicious than what you might think based on store-bought ones.

My love for homemade marshmallows can be traced directly to Alton Brown and his episode of Good Eats, “Puff the Magic Mallow,” which was all about marshmallows.

I watched him make marshmallows, then promptly added gelatin to my shopping list. Having loved marshmallows since I was very little, I had to try this.

Now this recipe does call for using a stand mixer (I love my KitchenAid). I guess you could use a hand mixer, but since you have to whip the sugar syrup for at least 13 minutes, it’s rather convenient to be able to let the mixer work without you. (Plus, it’s always dangerous to have little ones running around free while you are occupied and stuck in one spot for that long.)

Homemade Marshmallow Recipe and Tutorial Video

: Last year Elijah did most of the Rolo Turtle assembling.

: Waiting for the cookies to bake.

There you go, five of my favorite Christmas cookies and treats recipes. By the way, if you find you have leftovers, or if you just want to pace yourself with all the sugar intake, you’ll find that the cookie dough truffles, the Rolo turtles, and the caramels all freeze nicely. The gingerbread has never lasted long enough for us to test it out in the freezer, and I would say that the marshmallows need to be used within a couple of weeks. If you’ve not devoured the marshmallows by then or amped up your hot chocolate with a few, you should definitely use them to make Rice Krispies Treats. Oh, talk about deliciousness (That might be a sixth favorite recipe there).

As always, let me know if you try any of these, and tell me what you think about them.

What is your favorite Christmas goodies recipe? Share it in the comments so I can add something new to my list!

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Elijah and the Bully

October 23, 2015

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Life in Lape Haven: Write 31 Days - Elijah and the Bully

Sometime last month, Elijah got into the car after school and announced,

“I have to tell Daddy that he was wrong!”

Intrigued, I asked Elijah what he meant.

“He told me that bullies probably wouldn’t bother me, but he was wrong.”

That was not the reply I had expected from my kindergartener. I imagine he and Brad had talked about his class and bullies around the time Elijah was starting school (Perhaps Elijah had heard about bullies on TV and was worried?)

“Do you have a bully in your class,” I asked him.

“Uh-huh,” Elijah replied. “She isn’t very nice to people.”

So the bully was a girl. Hmmm.

Through a series of other questions, I learned about one little girl in his class who said mean (for a kindergartener) things to the other kids in the class. Apparently she had also gotten into trouble in class a lot and had even used a few bad words.

When we got to how she had bothered Elijah, he told me, “She came up behind me at recess and said, ‘I don’t like you.’”

At that point, I could have told Elijah how unkind that was or how mean she was, but I didn’t. I didn’t need to give Elijah more reason to feel hurt. Instead I felt it was important for Elijah to look at the situation a little differently.

I think I shocked him a little when I told him, “Well, she doesn’t have to like you. But do you play with her a lot? Does she know you?”

Elijah paused. “No.”

“So, how can she know if she doesn’t like you if she doesn’t know you?”

Since I was driving, I couldn’t see his reaction to this thought, but I could hear the smile in his voice when he said, “Yeah!”

Then I talked to him about how oftentimes, people who are unkind to others act that way because they aren’t happy themselves.

When he seemed a little confused, I gave him an example.

“When you are upset or in a bad mood, are you always nice to Josiah? Or do you treat him not very kindly if you’re grumpy?”

“I’m not very nice sometimes,” he admitted.

So he seemed to understand. We talked about how he could be kind to this girl, even if she was being mean, and how he could help his friends if she was mean to them. The last thing we did was pray for her, that she would learn to “be good” (his words) and that Elijah would be able to be nice to her.

When Elijah is older, I don’t know how much he’ll remember about the specifics of this school year. I personally remember several moments from my kindergarten experience while my hubby doesn’t remember any of his. If I tell him about a little girl who said that she didn’t like him, he’ll probably laugh it off, similarly to how my oldest nephew and I laugh at how, when he was three, he thought that calling me a “hunting deer” was a big insult.

However, whether Elijah remembers the incident or not, I’m hopeful that the habit of praying for those who are unkind to you and trying to understand and have compassion for them is something that sticks with him, something that becomes the automatic and the normal.

Jesus tells us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), and to bless those who curse us, pray for those who mistreat us. (Luke 6:28)

It usually isn’t the thing we want to do, whether we are 5 or 85. It usually isn’t easy. But it’s the right thing, the Godly thing to do.

Because through our obedience, our humility, and our efforts to love and forgive, God can change things, if only our heart for that other person.

Sometimes, though, he also changes the other person.

About a week or two after the initial incident with “the bully,” Elijah got into the car happily and ready to share about his day.

The first thing he told me was that this girl had done really well in class that day, “clipping up to purple,” which means she behaved so well that she was at the top of their classroom’s behavior monitoring chart and had earned a prize for the day.

Elijah said, “I told her that I was proud of her.”

Yes, my mommy heart melted. He was encouraging her to be good and letting her know that he had noticed.

I asked him how she responded to that, and he grinned at me.

“She smiled a little bit.”

I know that this little girl still has times of being mean or misbehaving in class because Elijah keeps me filled in on her progress, but he’s still watching out for her. We pray for her every so often, and his heart is kind toward her. He’s cheering her on, wanting good for her.

Whether or not this girl ever likes Elijah, she’ll definitely know that he cares about her.

This is part of my Write 31 Days series, “Out of the Mouth of Babes: 31 Quotes from My Children.” I’m posting every day in October, so if you’ve missed one and need to catch up, or if you really enjoyed a particular quote, you can find the entire series on my Write 31 Days page.

Another fun part of the Write 31 Days is that you can enter to win a $500 Shopping Spree from DaySpring.com!

DaySpring is celebrating all the amazing Write 31 Days READERS who are supporting the nearly 2,000 writers this month! Enter to win a $500 shopping spree by clicking this link and following the giveaway widget instructions. There will be a link at the end of each day’s post from October 15 through October 30.

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